Resident Evil Megaman 2
by Liquid
Summary: I recently came across the old nintendo worlds of power book based on megaman 2, and you know what that means.
1. In The Lab

Chris ran down the hill as fast as he could, almost in a panic as he raced toward the small building at the edge of the small town.

The news that he had just seen on TV was nothing short of horrible. The evil Dr. Birkin, who's army of super robots had been defeated by Chris 6 months earlier, had broken out of jail, and was now threatening the world.

At this point Chris had realized two very important things. The first was that in all the world, only the super genious Dr. Liquid would know what to do about Dr. Birkin. And the second thing that Chris realized was that he had just lost his footing.

He screamed as he fell forward, getting a mouthful of dirt and rocks as he began rolling down the hill, moving faster and faster before coming to a sudden stop in the form of crashing into a wall.

"Good thing I'm an Android". Chris said as he got up. "Or that might have killed me... YEA, I'M HERE"!

As he looked up he saw that he had crashed into the outside wall of Dr. Liquid's labratory, which ws convienient because that was exactly where he needed to go.

A moment later he was at the front door, but when he knocked no one answered.

This was not a problem since Liquid kept a hide-a-key under the doormat, so Chris lifted the rug, took the key, and used it to unlock the door.

The knob turned easily, and as the door swung open, all Chris could see was darkness as he stepped inside.

"Dr. Liquid"? He asked.

Suddenly he felt something slam between his legs, making him scream as he fell to his hands and knees. Then the labratory lights came on, and Chris looked up to see a man in a lab coat standing over him with a forign weapon raised.

"DR. LIQUID, STOP"! Chris screamed as he held up his hands. "IT'S ME, CHRIS"!

"Chris"? Liquid replied. "God damn it, you had better start announcing yourself when you come in". "I almost nun-chucked you".

"You DID nun-chuck me"!

"No I didn't, I kicked you in the android nuts". "Getting nun-chucked feels like this".

There was a swooshing sound, and then Chris screamed as the weapon struck him in the head.

"Where as getting kicked in the nuts". Liquid continued. "Feels something like this".

He slammed his foot into Chris's nuts a second time, making him scream again as he fell to the floor.

"There, lesson learned". Liquid said. "Now what brings you here today"? "And this better be good since I was just about to get a blow job from your sister, Claire".

Chris thought a second, and then got to his feet.

"You were getting oral sex from an android"? He asked.

"Well, yeah". Liquid replied. "Why the fuck else would I build a cute female android that has all the right stuff in all the right places"? "This was the only way for my sexual demands to be met without someone calling the cops".

"But... if you created her... doesn't that make her your daughter"?

Liquid thought about this for a second, and then smacked Chris in the mouth, making him lose his balance and fall on his ass.

"Now, ignoring the blunt stupidity of that question". Liquid explained. "Even if you could consider Claire my daughter because I built her with my own two hands, the solution to this problem is a simple one... I just won't tell her". "Now why are you here today"?

Instantly Chris remembered why he was there, and he jumped to his feet, ready to tell the whole story. But just as he was opening his mouth, a musical whistle filled the air right before someone crashed through the window and broke a large table as he slammed onto the floor.

"Leon"? Chris asked.

"Dr. Liquid"! Leon excaimed as he jumped to his feet. "I am here to tell you that

"That you are volenteering to help Chris test out my latest invention"? Liquid interupted. "Excellent, come with me".

He grabbed them by the arms, and led them toward the back of the room, where they gasped as they saw a scary looking metal chamber.

"What the hell does that do"? They asked in a scared voice.

"I'm not really sure". Liquid replied as he pushed them toward it. "You see, I slapped it together from used pinball machine parts, so the only way to see what it does, is to do a field test on you two sorry mother fuckers".

"But, is it safe"? Leon asked.

"Probably not".

He then shoved them into the chamber, and sealed the door behind them.

"What are we gonna do"? Chris asked. "God only knows what this thing is gonna do to us".

Leon thought for a second,and then he got an idea.

"I got it"! He exclaimed. "Maybe this is some kind of test to see if we are brave enough to let him perform sick and twisted experiments on us".

"What do you mean"? Chris asked.

"Think about it, the only way for someone to defeat Dr. Birkin is to be so brave that death himself is scared to touch them, right"?

"Hey, you might be right". "So let's show him just how brave his two finest creations are".

"Alright, hold on in there". Liquid said as he grabbed the switch. "There is a slight risk of total molecular disintigration, but I'm almost ten percent sure that you will survive".

Chris and Leon looked at eachother for a second, and then started banging on the chamber door while screaming to be let out. But Liquid ignored them, laughing like a maniac as he pulled the switch.

Suddenly there was an explosion from within the chamber, and the lights in the labratory went out for a few seconds, until the backup generator kicked in, bringing the lights back on.

Black smoke was coming from inside the chamber, and when the door opened Chris and Leon came stumbling out before hitting the floor.

"I feel weird". Chris said.

"Me too". Leon replied.

"Oh shit, my bad". Liquid said as he looked at the chamber. "This isn't my latest invention, it's the humanizer, a machine that turns robots into humans".

"What"?! Chris and Leon yelled.

"Yeah, I built that so I can change Claire into a human when I decide to settle down in about ten to fifteen years".

"You mean"?! Leon gasped. "We're human"?!

"Well, if you two hadn't rushed into the machine like a couple of morons, maybe you would have realized what you were getting yourselves into".

"But you forced us in there"! Chris yelled.

Liquid sighed.

"Chris". Liquid explained. "Now that you are a human, you can't go around blaming others for your mistakes". "Now don't get discouraged just because you're a human". "You are still you, for as much good as that does you, but from now on you will be slightly more worthless and weak then usual".

"Worthless and weak"?! Chris and Leon exclaimed.

"I will have you know, Dr. Liquid". Chris said. "That I am Megaman Chris, defender of truth and justice"! "With my incredibly sexy blue uniform, complete with helmet, and super cool mega-gun, I always triumph over my enemies and deliver priceless one liners once they are dead"!

"And I am Protoman Leon, bed-shitting nightmare of all things evil"! Leon yelled. "With my sleek red uniform, complete with manly yellow scarf, SWAT team approved proto-shield, and wickedly badass proto-gun, I will break my foot off in the ass of every villan that I come across, all while jamming out to the sound of my proto-whistle"!

"Together we are"! They both yelled. "The unstoppable team of Megaman and Protoman, the unstoppable team that defeated Dr. Birkin's robots before dragging his pansey ass into the slammer"!

They then struck their hero pose, and Liquid just shook his head.

"Is that so"? He asked. "Well, I recovered and examined the robots that you two assclowns claim to have defeated". "And it turns out that they shut down because the pieces of shit were made in China, and they stopped working exactly 5 minutes after they came off warrenty". Now if there is nothing else, I must retire to the living room because Knight Rider comes on in fifteen minutes". "Good luck with the whole human thing".

Liquid started walking away, but then Chris and Leon remembered why they had come to see him this morning. So they ran after him.

"Dr. Liquid"! Chris yelled. "I came here to tell you that Dr. Birkin escaped from prison, and has built eight of the most horrible ass kicking robots that the world has ever seen in order to take over the world"!

Liquid just stood there for a second.

"I see". He said. "So why didn't you tell me this before you got turned into worthless ass humans"?

Chris and Leon just stood there with their mouths hanging open.

"Oh well". Liquid continued. "I guess that's what I get for going with the Pentium 2 for central procesors". "So, I guess that it's up to the two of you to defeat these so called invincible robots, defeat Dr. Birkin, and save the entire fricken world without getting your foolish asses killed".

"Are you gonna come with us this time"? Leon asked.

"Fuck no". "I built you two jackoffs so that I wouldn't have to go on bullshit suicide mis, er, I mean because due to old age I am no longer able to carry out such nobel important work".

"But, you're 25". Chris argued.

"Don't split hairs with me, sonny Jim". "But even though I am unable to go with you, I can use my computer to track the location of each of Birkin's robots, and I will be more then happy to send you there with my highly unstable, experemental teleportation system".

He quickly pushed some buttons on a large computer, and after a minute of booting up, the screen went dark.

"God damn windows vista"! Liquid yelled as he kicked the machine.

Sudenly the screen came back on, and there were eight locations highlighted on the map.

"Ok, here's the plan". Liquid said. "Apparently each of these robots holds part of the password to Dr. Birkin's castle, so you will have to take down each one in order to gain access to the said castle". "Now the best way to do this is to split up".

"Split up"?! They yelled. "Why would we do that"?!

"Because, you jackasses". "Birkin knows that only a complete fucking moron would challenge any of these robots alone, so it will be the last thing that he will suspect". "Therefore Chris is going after Metalman while Leon takes care of Flashman". "Now hurry up and get into the teleporterbecause there's only about five minutes until Knight Rider starts and I really want to see David Hasselhoff whoop some 1970's ass".

Chris and Leon hung their heads as they walked over to the teleportation pads, and stepped onto them. Then Liquid went over to the control panal, and started pushing buttons.

"Now brace yourselves". Liquid said as he grabbed the switch. "This will either take you to your destination safely, or blow you into a million pieces, so you get a fifty-fifty, and that ain't bad".

They started to protest, but then Liquid pulled the switch, causing them to vanish.

"I'll be damned, it worked". Liquid said. "And now it's time for Knight Rider".

"Dr. Liquid". Claire said as she came out in a nurse's outfit. "Are you coming back"?

"BOOYA"! "Looks like Hasselhoff's gonna have to wait".


	2. Metalman

CRASH BOOM BANG CRASH, the noise that Chris heard apon entering the area owned by Metalman was deafening to put it lightly, and unbareable to put it bluntly. Even with his helmet blocking some of it, he needed to get out of this place quickly.

This entire place seemed to one giant working machine, with conveyer belts, pistons, and huge rotating gears spreading out as far as the eye could see. All of this together put out a noise that was louder then the loudest chainsaw, and Chris was forced to cover his ears in an attempt to drown out the sound.

He decided that the only way for him to get out of this place was to find and defeat the master of this place, so he started walking deeper into the machine, trying to balance along a large contraption that seemed to produce metal parts.

This went well for a few minutes, but suddenly there was a swooshing sound, and a giant metal crusher slammed down not three inches in front of his face, shaking the entire area, and making the color drain out of Chris's face.

As a large chain began to pull the crusher back up, Chris's eyes moved toward the cieling, and he gasped as he saw dozens of crushers all around him. And now they were starting down.

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, the crushers kept slamming down, and the sound was the only thing stopping Chris's womanly screams from being heard as he ran down the machine, staying just inches ahead of the crushers.

Finally he reached the end of the part machine, and he leaped away just before the final crusher struck, finding refuge as he fell to the floor.

"Oh thank God". He said. "Safe at last".

As if on cue there was a buzzing sound underneath him, and he moved just in time to avoid the giant self-propelled drill as it drilled right through the floor and continued upward.

"Are you fucking kidding me"?! He yelled.

Suddenly more drills came out of the floor, as well as some from the cieling, making Chris scream again as he ducked and dodged them while trying to get out of this part of Metalman's area.

"Dr. Liquid, help"! He yelled into the radio. "There are drills coming out of the fricken floor"!

"Ok, here's what you do". Liquid replied. "You calm down, take a deep breath, AND STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH ALL THE TIME"!

The radio went dead, and Chris jumped backward just in time to avoid getting drilled in the face, but then he screamed and jumped forward as a drill grazed his ass on it's was upward.

After about five more minutes of this, Chris jumped onto a nearby conveyer belt, allowing him to breathe easy as he was carried away from the drills.

"HA, HA"! Chris yelled as he pointed back at them. "You have to be a bit more scary then some killer drill to strike fear into the heart of Megaman Chris"!

Suddenly he froze as a loud rumbling sound came from behind him, and he slowly turned around to see a giant metal gear rolling down the conveyer belt toward him, making him scream as he tryed to run away from it.

But he remained in the same position no matter how fast he ran against the conveyer belt, so all he could do was scream like a sissy man as it rolled over him.

Chris knew that he was finished, and he tried not to imagine what he would look like as a Megaman pancake, but then his thoughts stopped as the gear rolled right over him, and leaving him unharmed as it continued on it's way.

It took him a second to realize what had happened, but then it became clear that he had been protected by one of the slots for another gear to turn it.

"YES"! Chris yelled. "Pure skill, because I am atleast twice as smart as some giant metal gear"! "In fact I would say that I

Suddenly the conveyer belt ended, interputing his speech as he fell to the floor once again.

Then after a quick check to make sure that nobody had seen that, he turned around and walked right into a large metal gate of some kind.

"What the hell"? He asked as he looked up.

But then he gasped as he saw the large metal B engraved on a plaque on top of the gate, and as everybody knew, a large letter B was the calling card of the evil Dr. Birkin.

Therefore Chris dediced that the master of this area was inside, so he pulled the release lever, making him jump back in surprise as the gate slid upward, revealing a small hallway that lead to yet another metal door.

It seemed fairly obvious which way he should go, so he stepped into the hallway, and then jumped as the metal gate slammed shut behind him.

"Ok". He said. "Almost there". "All you have to do is defeat Metalman, and you can leave this place".

So he took a deep breath, and then walked over to the second gate. A second later it opened, and he walked inside to see a robot the same size as him, that was wearing a full suit of red steel armor.

"You must be Metalman". Chris said as the gate closed behind him.

Metalman seemed to be angry at seeing Chris there, so he started yelling something, but the noise from the machines was too loud for Chris to hear him.

"What"? Chris asked.

Metalman yelled something else.

"What"? Chris asked again. "I can't hear you"!

Metalman thought for a second, then he took a large handgun out of his hip holster, and fired, sending a large metal blade flying through the air, cutting right through the wall next to Chris's head like it was butter.

"HOLY SHIT"! Chris screamed.

He wondered how he was supposed to fight someone with a weapon like that, but then he felt a rush of relief as he remembered his mega-gun. So he reached for his hip holster...

And found it empty.

"Damn it". Chris said. "I knew I forgot something".

He screamed as five more metal blades came flying at him, then he jumped out of the way, making them shred the gate instead. So without hesitation Chris ran back through the gate, finding that the blades had shredded the first gate as well.

"Oh thank God"! He yelled as he ran through it.

He then jumped onto another conveyer belt, thinking he was safe, until another metal blade wizzed by his arm, slicing open another part of the machine. Chris turned around, and screamed as he saw Metalman riding the same conveyer.

"OH NO"! Chris screamed as he ran down it.

More and more blades flew past him as Metalman persued, making Chris run even faster until he reached the end of the conveyer belt, and jumped to the floor,only to find that he was at a dead end.

Then he turned around just in time to see Metalman jump off the conveyer, and aim the blade gun at him. So Chris did what any ultra cool hero would do, and wasted no time falling to his knees while begging for his life.

Chris did not need to hear because he could see Metalman laughing at him, and the evil robot was just about to put one through his head, when he suddenly dissapeared as one of the giant metal weights crushers came slamming down on top of him. Then it raised back up, revealing that Metal man had been crushed flat, and suddenly all of the machines stopped working, bringing the whole place to a dead silent stop.

Chris just stayed there for a second, before picking up the still intact blade gun. Then he got to his feet and put his new weapon into his holster, before jumping up and down in celebration.

"I did it, Dr. Liquid"! Chris yelled into the radio. "I defeated Metalman and took his gun"!

"Yes, I know".Liquid replied. "But just because Metalman was crushed flat does not mean that I will ignore the face that I just watched the most pathetic display of cowadice and retar, OW GOD DAMN IT"! "Just a second.... Claire, what did I tell you about dragging your teeth... ok, that's better... alright, I'm back". "Anyway, the evil super robot known as Metalman has been defeated, and that is all that matters".

"Awesome, so which unlucky son of a bitch gets to feel my wrath next"?

"Get ready, Chris". "Because you are about to meet Bubbleman".


	3. Flashman

All was quiet in the great frozen city that was Flashman's area, but then a musical whistle filled the air just before Leon came flying right into the side of a building, before crashing hard to the icy floor.

He slid to a stop next to another building, then he got to his feet and had his weapons raised before he noticed the temperature.

"Jesus, it's cold"! He exclaimed as he looked around.

He was in a partially frozen city that seemed to be completely barren except for the old crumbling buildings. A pale blue light washed over his surroundings, and he knew that he would have to be careful as he made his way through the buildings because they looked like they were ready to fall over.

If he had been in Metalman's area, Leon would have seen that it was the total opposite of that loud banging machine. In fact it was just a little bit too quiet, the whole place was completely silent except for the sound made from Leon's footsteps as he walked on tiptoes, trying to keep from being noticed by whatever was in this place.

Suddenly there was a loud stomping sound that shattered the silence, and as it got closer Leon looked around in all directions, but could not see a thing. Then he looked up, and screamed as he dove out of the way just before a giant metal foot would have crushed him.

He rolled out of the way, and looked back to see the most gigantic robot that he had ever encountered. It was atleast ten times his size, and seemed to be a kind of ride-armor for a smaller robot that sat on top of it.

"So you wanna flatten me, huh"? Leon asked as he aimed his proto-gun.

He was about to fire, but then he realized that he was surrounded by seven of these ride-armors.

"Uh, hi". He said.

"What do you guys think"? One of them asked.

"He's perfect". Another one replied.

"What's going on"? Leon asked.

"Allow me to indroduce us". The first ride-armor said. "We are the Icicle Raiders, number one soccor team in all of the forgotten city". "And we want you to join our team"!

Leon was awestruck. He had never been willingly picked by anyone to play on a sports team, and now he was filled with pride because obviously these guys had noticed the true extent of his awesomeness.

"So do you want to join"? He asked.

"I sure do"! Leon yelled. "What position do I get to play"?

"The ball". All of them said.

"What"?

Suddenly he was kicked in the ass, making him scream as he flew through the air, only to be kicked by another one, sending him back the way he came.

This continued for a few minutes, Leon being continualy kicked around as the ride-armors moved farther into the city. Then finally one of them kicked him really hard, and he flew down the street, passing a goal post as he landed, and hearing the ride armors cheer as he slid across the ice into a crack in one of the buildings.

He was now inside of a very small room with no visble ways out except for the way he came in, and the ride-armors were just standing out there waiting for him to come back out so that the game could resume.

"It's ok". Leon said to himself. "I'll just stay in here until they lose interest".

Then he gasped as he saw a human skeleton laying on the floor next to a sign that had been carved into the wall, which read:

THEY WON'T LOSE INTEREST

"Aw, man". He said as he hung his head.

An hour passed, and then he got an idea.

Obviously the ride-armors couldn't enter the buildings for some reason, so maybe he could move through the city easier if he stayed inside them. So he aimed his proto-cannon, and his behind his proto-shield as he fired, blasting a large hole into the wall.

"YES"! He yelled as he jumped through.

But his smile faded when he realized that he was outside again.

"There he is". One of the Ride-armors said. "Game on"!

"OH SHIT"! Leon screamed as he started running.

The ride-armors made loud stomping noises as they chased after him, and it seemed like they would catch him, until he suddenly turned, riding his shield to slide around a corner. The ride armors tried to follow him, but they slipped on the ice,making them crash into one of the buildings.

Leon threw back his head and laughed as he ran, but his laughter was quickly turned into a scream as he forgot to watch where he was going, and tumbled down a flight of stairs. A moment later he landed on his face, and slid into the hallway of someone's basement.

"Ow, I did NOT see that"! He yelled as he sat up. "Oh God, my poor face"!

He continued bitching for another few seconds, but was interupted by something sticking into the wall next to his head.

"What the hell"? He asked.

It looked like a frozen boomerang of some sort, and Leon would have investigated it further, but at that moment a dozen more boomerangs flew from down the hallway, forcing him to run back up the stairs while screaming like a moron.

The boomerangs stuck into the ground right bahind him as he ran, and he was just getting out of range, when he came to a screeching halt as he saw the ride armors blocking his path.

"There he is, get him"! One of them yelled.

"Not good"! Leon yelled as he turned another corner.

The ride armors and the boomerangs were following him, getting closer and closer, but then he spotted an old elevator, and dove into it, praying that it still worked.

With not a moment to spare, he hit the door close button, and they slid closed, letting him hear the boomerangs sticking into the door as he started up.

"Oh, Jesus Christ". Leon said as he leaned against the wall. "Will this never end"?

A few minutes later the elevator came to a stop, and the doors slid open to reveal a large metal gate with a large B carved into the plaque.

"Sweet". Leon said as he stepped out of the elevator. "Now let's do this".

He walked over to the gate, and hit the release lever, making it spring open as he was aiming his gun. Then he screamed as he fired indiscriminatly, blowing large holes in the walls of the small hallway before realizing that Flashman was not there.

"Oh". He said. "Another gate".

The second gate opened just as easily, and he walked in to see the super robot known as Flashman waiting or him in his blue and white armor, and what looked like a mega-gun on his hip.

"Well, well". Flashman said as the gate slammed shut. "If it isn't Protoman Leon". "I was hoping to meet Megaman Chris, but I'm sure that he will be along after I kill you".

"Oh yeah"? Leon asked as he aimed his gun. "Let's see how well that plan works for you after I blow your head clean out your asshole".

He expected Flashman to go for his gun, but instead he quickly pushed a button on his watch, and Leon found himself unable to move.

"Didn't see that one commin, did ya"? Flashman asked as he walked right up to Leon.

He then punched him really hard in the face, and Leon found himself able to move again as he fell to the floor. So he raised his gun, but again found himself frozen in place.

"Not so tough now, are ya"? Flashman continued. "Repeat after me: Oh God, my leg, my leg".

He then took the gun from his hip, and shot Leon in the leg, making him scream as he fell over.

"OH GOD"! Leon screamed as he was unfrozen. "MY LEG, MY LEG"!

"Now you got it". Flashman replied with a laugh.

Leon tried to aim at him again, but with another push of a button, he was stuck.

"Well, it's been fun". Flashman said as he aimed his gun at Leon's head. "But the time has come to end this little game".

Leon was sweating bullets as the evil super robot stuck the barrel of his gun right into his head. And it looked like all was lost, but then there was a crashing sound as the walls were smashed, and Flashman vanished under the foot of one of the ride armors.

"There he is"! One of them said. "It's time to resume the gaaaaaaaaaa....

Suddenly all of the robot ride armors shut down, and they fell over as Leon was freed from Flashman's time stopper. This also allowed him to take the still intact time stopping watch from what was left of Flashman's wrist, and put it on his own.

"That's right, bitch"! He yelled. "No one fucks with Protoman Leon, and lives to tell the tale, because not only do I take my enemie's lives, but then I go to their house and have a sex sandwich with their wife and sister, so how does that make you feel"?

"Are you about done"? Liquid asked over the radio.

"I did it, Dr. Liquid"! "I defeated Flashman and all of his giant scary ride armors all by myself"!

"Yes, because you knew beforehand that thoes soccor playing dumbasses were going to barge in at the last posible second before Flashman blew your brains out and had sex with your corpse, right"? "God, you are worthless sometimes".

"Maybe I did, you don't... have sex with my corpse"?

"You don't want to know". "Anyway, did you remember to grab the time stopper, you flaming homo"?

"Good, because you are gonna need it where you're going". "Prepare to meet Airman".


	4. Bubbleman

One minute Chris was talking shit about facing Bubbleman, and then next he was falling through the air above nothing but an endless ocean. So he did what any superhero with balls of solid rock would do in his place...

He panicked, and started screaming while flapping his arms like a half-retarded turkey.

This continued until he slammed into a pier, and when he looked up he saw three very large frogs standing in front of him.

"Bud". The first one croaked.

"Weis". The second one croaked.

"Er". The third one croaked.

"Hey, I know you guys". Chris said as he got up. "You're the Budweiser frogs, right"?

"Bud". The first one croaked.

"Weis". The second one croaked.

"Er". The third one croaked.

"Wow, this is awesome"! Chris exclaimed. "I haven't seen you guys since the mid 90's". "Where have you been"?

The frogs just looked at him for a second, and then the middle one shot out his tongue, striking Chris in the chest, and knocking him on his ass.

The other frogs laughed as the middle one's tongue retracted into it's mouth. But then Chris got to his feet, and the frogs stopped laughing as he pulled out the blade gun.

"What's wrong, fuckers"? He asked. "Not so funny now that a gun is pointed at your head, huh"?

"I don't". The first one croaked.

"Know, you". The second one croaked.

"Tell us". The third one croaked.

Chris was confused by this, but then his confusion turned into horror as the frogs reached behind their backs, and each pulled out a 12 gauge shotgun.

"Oh, damn". Chris said as he lowered the blade gun. "Uh... you know that violence doesn't solve anything, right"?

"Kill". The first one croaked.

"This". The second one croaked.

"Homo". The third one croaked.

As if on cue Chris turned tail and ran screaming across the pier as the frogs hopped after him while firing their shotguns and screaming like the dukes of hazzard.

"Not good"! Chris screamed as he ran. "NOT GOOD"!

Suddenly he ran out of pier, so he screamed even louder as he took a leap of faith...

And landed on another pier.

"Oh, thank God"! He yelled as he kept running. "Let's see you fuckers try to catch me now"!

Suddenly he ran into something,putting him on his ass again, and when he looked up he saw that about thirty more frogs were blocking his path.

"Uh...hi". Chris said.

"To the". One of them croaked.

"Depths with". Another one croaked.

"Him". A third one said.

Suddenly the frogs were on him, and he screamed as they picked him up and tossed him into the ocean, where he quickly sunk like a rock. His helmet kept the water out so that was a good thing, but now that he was a human he realised that he didn't know how to swim.

He sank deeper and deeper into the depths, but then a glimmering ray of hope shown in the darkness as two large seahorse looking robots grabbed him by the arms, and started carrying him across the ocean.

"Thanks, guys". He said. "Did you come all the way out here to save me"?

The seahorse robots looked at him for a second, and then started laughing as they pointed up ahead. And since Chris wanted to know what was so funny, he looked up ahead, and gasped as he saw the large suction pipe taking in enormous amounts of water.

He looked at the seahorse robots and shook his head, but then they started laughing again as they swam toward the pipe even faster.

Chris kicked and struggled to get away from them, but before he knew it he was sucked into the pipe, and the seahorse robots waved at him as he was taken away.

Now in total darkness, Chris was taken through a wild ride through an entire network of pipes. First he was upside down, then he was downside up, all the while trying to keep himself from losing his lunch.

He had no idea how long he was being twirled around in there, but just when he thought that it would never end, he saw light as he was spit out of another pipe.

It took a minute for the room to stop spinning,and once it did he realized two things: The first was that he needed to get the hell out of this place, and the second thing was that he was completely lost.

He was now in a section of the underwater ocean that looked like it had been built. The floor and walls were a greenish metal, and Chris gasped as he saw that the entire place was also covered with deadly spikes.

"Are you kidding me"? He asked.

Then he saw it.

At the far end of this section, beyond all of the deadly spikes was a large metal gate with a B carved into it.

"YES"! He screamed. "The end is near... for Bubbleman"!

There was no safe way to walk across the spikes, so he would have to remember how to swim. So after a few tries, and looking like a total imbecile as he clawed at the water, he figured out that it was easier to move underwater if he paddled.

Suddenly it all came back, and he discovered that he was actually a decent swimmer. This allowed him to slowly but surely navigate through the spikes by swimming in the exact middle of the room, just a foot from them on each side.

"This isn't so bad". He said as he kept swimming.

Then something came into view.

It was a robotic looking jellyfish of some kind, and it floated over to Chris as if curious.

"Hey, little guy". Chris said. "I'm kind of in a hurry, so could you let me pass"?

It just floated there for a second, before extending one of it's tentacles, and stung him with an electric prod.

"OW, FUCKER"! He yelled. "Cut it out"!

It stayed just out of reach, so Chris could only scream and try his best to keep away from the spikes as the electric prod made him twitch again and again.

Finally he had enough, and he drew the blade gun. Then he fired, cutting the jellyfish in half.

"HA"! He yelled. "Sting that"!

Suddenly there was some movement around him, and Chris froze in fear as he realized that he was now surrounded by robotic jellyfish.

And they did not look too happy.

"Calm". He told himself. "Have to remain calm".

Then they started to advance on him, and he screamed as he swam as fast as he could, getting past the spikes and reaching the metal gate with them right on his heels.

Quickly he hit the release lever, and the gate opened. Once he was through it slammed shut behind him, and he could hear the angry jellyfish zapping the door in frustration.

"That's right". He said as he walked to the seond gate. "Pure skill".

The second gate opened just as easily for him, and now he was inside a large room with cargo netting along the walls, and spikes on the cieling. Then the gate slammed shut behind him...

And that's when he saw Bubbleman.

The evil super robot wore armor and a mask that resembled a wet suit complete with flippers. He then laughed at Chris, and started yelling something, but all Chris could hear was air bubbling out of his mouth.

"What"? Chris asked.

Bubbleman started yelling again, but the water made it impossible to understand him.

"What"? Chris asked again.

Now Bubbleman was angry, and he yelled again as he gave Chris the finger, and took a strange looking gun off his belt.

"What's that do"? Chris asked.

Bubbleman aimed and pulled the trigger, sending a ball of molten lead heading right toward him...

And it was getting bigger.

"Aw, crap". Chris said as the now boulder sizeball of lead rolled upon him.

There was no way for him to aviod it, so he tried to shoot it with his blade gun, but it was too late. It rolled right over him, knocking him flat, and making his blade shot go wild.

Foutrunatly for Chris, being underwater makes everything almost weightless, so all that happened was the wind getting knocked out of him as the lead ball of death continued on it's way.

So after several minutes of panicing, and one moment of pissing his pants, Chris sat up and wondered why Bubbleman had not finished him off during all this nonsense.

But Bubbleman was nowhere to be found.

So Chris looked around, and gasped as he saw that Bubbleman's head had been cut off by the blade that he had tried to shoot at the bubble.

"I won"? Chris asked as he stood up. "I mean, of course I won"! "Dr. Liquid, I just made Bubbleman my bitch"!

"Did you, now"? Liquid asked over the radio. "Are you dumbasses aware that I am watching your whole pathetic journey on my satilight monitor"?

"But, I beat him".

"A debatable point, but I still think that you should punch yourself in the nuts for the simple fact that you pissed yourself a minute ago".

Chris just stood there.

"I'm waiting". Liquid continued.

"I'm not gonna nut-punch myself". Chris replied.

"Then let me put it to you this way". "Either you ram your fist really hard into your own nuts, or you can spend the rest of your life in this place". "The choice is yours".

Chris knew that Liquid wasn't bluffing, so he closed his eyes, took a dep breath, and jacked himself in the nuts, making him yelp incoherently as he fell into a fetal position.

"That's better". Liquid continued. "Now don't forget the grab the bubble launcher, because next you're going to Heatman's area".


	5. Airman

Clouds swirled around the blue sky, and except for being a bit windy, it was a nice day.

Suddenly a musical whistle filled the air, and Leon fell through the air, for once landing on his feet on a catwalk of some kind.

"Hell yeah"! He yelled as he looked down. "For once, er, I mean yet another perfect landing for Prot

His thoughts were interupted by the crushing reality of how high from the ground he was. I mean, we're talking thousands of feet to the point where he could just barely see a 747 jet flying underneath him.

Now a new sound filled the air, that of a girly scream echoing across the heavens as Leon latched himself onto the catwalk while shutting his eyes as tight as he could.

"What are you doing, Leon"? Liquid asked over the radio.

"How could you send me here"? Leon asked. "You know I'm afraid of heights".

"Yeah, so"? "In the battle to save the world, we must all make sacrifices".

"And just what kind of sacrifices have you made"?

"I'm about to sacrifice you if you don't stop being a pussy, and get your goofy ass moving". "Airman isn't going to destroy himself... unless he's a total fucktard... but you still need to brave the perils unknown, and accomplish your mission".

"Fuck the mission, I'm taking a sick day". "I'm union, you know".

"The only union you have is gonna be between my foot and your ass if you don't get your as in gear"! "Liquid out".

The radio went dead and it took Leon a few tries, but he eventually summoned the courage to get to his feet.

"Ok Leon, you can do this". He said as he took a step forward. "Just gotta remember to not look down, and everything will be fine".

He kept his eyes aimed streight ahead, making it easier for him to move since he couldn't see anything below the catwalk. And about three minutes later he was walking at a normal pace...

Until the catwalk ran out.

"HOLY CRAP AT CHRISTMAS"! He screamed as he jumped back.

Once the catwalk ended there was nothing around for him to stand on. All he could see was blue sky and clouds, making him wonder how he was supposed to continue.

Then he saw it.

In front of him was a cloud climber. A giant creature that was mostly red face that frowned at Chris as spiks grew out of the top of it's head, vanished, and then grew back again as it slowly moved up farther into the sky.

There was nothing else to jump onto, so he tossed all of his good senses out the window, and once the spikes vanished, he leaped onto the top of it's head.

"What the fuck"?! The cloud climber demanded.

Suddenly a red fist came out of nowhere, and socked him in the mouth, before picking him up, and bringing him down to the face.

"Hey guys, check this out". It said. "Blinky the cock clown here wants to stomp all over mother fucker's heads".

Suddenly a dozen angry cloud climbers decended from higher up in the clouds, and surrounded him.

"What was that"? Another cloud climber asked. "This little sheep fucker wants to do what"?

"I think he wants to be an asshole". A third one said. "Because only an asshole walks right up to someone and stepps on them without any regard for his feelings".

"So let's slap the shit out of him". A fourth one said.

"No, wait"! Leon yelled. "I've learned a very important lesson from all this, and now I think it's more important to be considerate of others". "So what do you say...friends"?

The cloud climbers seemed to be moved by this.

"Sure, friends". The one holding him said. "But we're still gonna slap the living shit out of you".

"Oh damn". Leon said as they closed in.

For about ten minutes they took turns slapping him in the face, laughing at his pathetic cries for mercy. Then once they were done, the one holding him pulled back, and tossed him as hard as he could across the wild blue yonder.

Leon had never been so terrified in his whole life, to the point where he couldn't even scream. So he just closed his eyes and prayed until he slammed into something.

When he opened his eyes he saw that he was on a thunder chariot, a sort of platform made mostly from clouds that was propelled by a small propeller on the bottom.

But where was the previous rider.

He looked over the side long enough to see the screaming robot vanish from site, and then his fear of heights forced him to latch onto the chariot with a death grip as it flew into a large cloud.

Leon was thankful for this because now he couldn't see how high up he was, but this also sucked because he couldn't see anything else for that matter.

After a few minutes of floating aimlessly, the thunder chariot came to a slow stop, and Leon could just barely see another catwalk in front of him. And it was a good thing too because the thunder chariot was starting to lose power, forcing Leon to step onto the catwalk just before the chariot pulmetted to certain doom.

"That sucks". He said as he started walking. "But I should be safe in this cloud".

Suddenly he heard something fly overhead, and a second later something that looked like a giant egg crashed down onto the catwalk just a bit behind him, making him jump.

But wait, there's more.

Once the egg crashed, a dozen tiny robot birds flew out of the broken shell, and swarmed all over Leon like in that movie the birds. Then they started pecking all over his body, making him scream and thrash his arms around as he ran blndly down the catwalk.

"OW, CUT IT OUT, ASSHOLES"! Leon screamed. "God damn it, I hate birds"!

This continued on for a few minutes, then one of the birds sqwaked in terror, and flew away from Leon, followed by the rest of them.

"Yeah, that's right"! He yelled. "You will never be a match for Protoman Leon"!

"But I am". A voice said.

Suddenly the clouds seemed to be blown away, and Leon found himself face to face with a nasty looking creature that had quickly spinning blades in it's middle.

"The fan fiend"! Leon exclaimed.

"That's right, Proto-douche". It replied. "Now, I hope you can fly"!

"What"?

The blades in it's mid section began spinning at ultra high speds, and the sudden gust of hurricane force winds not only knocked Leon off his feet, but also sent him screaming off the catwalk as the fan fiend laughed.

Down, down, down.

Screaming, screaming, screaming.

It seemed like he would fall forever, which was better then crashing, but it still sucked. What kind of way was this for a superhero like Protoman Leon to meet his end. Especially now since he was human, and was free to persue sexual relationships with 15, er, I mean 18 year old girls.

He would have dwelled on this for awhile longer, but his thoughts were interupted as he suddenly slamed onto yet another catwalk.

"GOD DAMN IT"! He screamed. "WHO THE FUCK DESIGNS THESE PLACES"?!

"Christ, Leon". Liquid said over the radio. "Aren't you there yet"?

"No, Dr. Liquid, I am not there yet". "Hell, I don't even know where there is". "This place is such bullshit, and nothing makes sense".

"You know, Leon". "I had an iphany earlier today when I was gazing into the back of Claire's head". "I thought to myself, why should I just allow thoes two fuck sticks to make excuses and do what they want with no regard for my feelings". "But then I remembered that I recently installed powerful electrodes in the ass of your uniforms".

"What are you talkiAHHHHHHHHHHH"!

Suddenly Leon's ass felt like it was being electrocuted, causing him to scream and flop around.

"There, don't you feel better"? Liquid asked."I know I do". "Now get going, Liquid out".

The radio went dead, and now Leon knew that he had no choice but to continue on.

His whole body was sore, and it took him a few minutes to get to his feet, but when he did he had to stat running again as more eggs were dropped around him.

"GET AWAY FROM ME"! Leon screamed as he ran down the catwalk.

The birds seemed to be laughing as they chased him, getting close enough to give him one good peck, and then backing off just enough to give him hope of escape before pecking him again.

It seemed like he was doomed to be tortured like this forever, but then he saw it up in the distance as the clouds parted.

It was a large metal gate with a large B on it, signifying that he was almost at the end of this nightmare within a nightmare.

So he drew his gun, and fired several shots behind him as he ran, keeping the birds at bay long enough for him to reach the first gate and hit the release lever. Then he dove inside, and it slammed shut, causing Leon to laugh as the birds on the other side slammed into it.

"Alright". He said as he faced the second gate. "Let's do this".

He walked over to the gate, hit the release lever, and walked inside, before instantly wishing that he hadn't.

"Ah, Protoman Leon". Airman said. "Welcome to my home".

Airman was the scarryest robot that Leon had ever seen. It wasn't that he was twice Leon's size, and it wasn't the fact that he was built like a blue armored brick shit house...

It was his mouth.

Airman's mouth was a huge gaping hole with a fan blade that took in air and then blew it out in terrible gusts, forming hundreds of small blue tornados that seemed like they were about to...

Leon screamed and dropped to the floor as the tornados flew at him with their tails pointed directly at his face. But even though he avoided the tornados themselves, the gust of wind that followed was more then enough to send him flying into the wall.

"So, Proto Sissy". Airman said as Leon collapsed to the floor. "How does it feel to know that you don't have a chance in hell"?

"Kind of like trying to get a date with Jessica Alba". Leon replied as he sat up. "Now how does this feel"?

He quickly drew his gun, and fired several shots, but another gust of wind not only slammed him back into the wall, but also made Leon scream as the shots from his own gun were blown back at him, striking the wall just inches from his face.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"! Airman bellowed as Leon fell down again. "And now, Protofag Leon, it is time to end this little game with the biggest gust of hot air since Bill Clinton tried to tell us that he didn't fuck Monica Lewenski".

Leon knew that he was in trouble as Airman started taking in air...

And kept going, building up more and more power with which to crush the life out of him.

Air started flowing into Airman from all directions, sucking in more and more, until a Turkey was sucked into his intake, and there was an explosion from within his body.

Then the fan stopped turning, and the evil super robot known as Airman fell over dead.

"What the hell just happened"? Leon asked as he got up. "Dr. Liquid, did you see that"?

"Yes, I did". Liquid replied over the radio. "I also saw you get your ass handed to you by cloud climbers, little birdies, a fan fiend, and Airman, who fortunatly for you was a big enough fucktard to destroy himself".

"I tried my best".

"Yes, and if this was fricken disneyland that would mean something, but since this is real life I am forced to do things like this".

Leon screamed and jumped as the electrodes zapped his ass.

"Now enough fucking around". Liquid said as the electrodes stopped. "Make sure that you get Airman's weapons and anything else that happens to be laying around".

Leon walked over to what was left of the evil super robot, and picked up his air shooter, as well as something that looked like the hoverboard from Back to the Future.

"Ok, I got it". Leon said. "Now what"?

"Now". Liquid replied. "Get ready to pay a visit to Crashman".


	6. The Bad Doctor

"Hopeless". Liquid said as he walked away from the monitor. "Both of thoes fuckers are completely hopeless".

He walked out of the lab, and entered the kitchen where a martini was waiting for him.

"Ah, the good stuff". He said as he sat down.

He allowed himself to relax as he took a drink, but then his eyes widened just before he spit it out.

"What the fuck"?! He demanded. "Claire, get your sweet ass in here, right the hell now"!

Not ten seconds later Clare came into the kitchen wearing a catholic schoolgirl's uniform.

"Yes, Dr. Liquid"? She asked.

"I have a question for you, Claire". He replied.

"What is it, Dr. Liquid"?

"An interogitive statement which is used to gain knowledge, but that's not important right now". "What I really need to know is if you think that I look like Sean Connery".

She stood there for a second.

"No, Dr. Liquid". She replied.

THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS"?! He screamed as he chucked the glass at her.

She jumped at the glass shattered next to her, and then Liquid stood up, before walking over to her.

"Stired"! He yelled. "Not shaken"! "Only faggots and Sean Connery ask for shaken not stired"! "This is god damn America for God's sake, and here we don't partake in communist bullshit like shaking martinis"! "Christ, what the fuck do they teach you kids in school these days"?!

"I'm sorry, Dr. Liquid". She replied.

"Sorry, huh"? "Well sorry might have worked before the god damn berlin wall got knocked down, but these days there is only one way for cute little commie girls like you to make things right". "Now, you know that I don't like doing things like this, but you brought it on yourself".

"That's ok, Dr. Liquid". "You programed me to find you even more attractive then usual whenever you are being an ignorant asshole".

Now it was Liquid's turn to be surprised.

"I did"? He asked. "Damn, I really am a genius, huh"?

"Yes, Dr. Liquid". Claire said. "You designed me to love and please you in spite of your egotistical, greedy, sadistic, insecure, perverted, tactless, hypocratic, and completely inaproprate personality". "So if you'd like, we can go into the bedroom, and I will pretend to be my twin sister again".

By this time Liquid was in tears from pure joy.

"You're an angel, Claire". He said. "I can't stay mad at you, come here".

She walked over to him, and they had just started kissing, when a massive explosion shattered the wall next to them, making Liquid scream as he jumped up into Claire's arms like Shaggy does to Scooby Doo.

"Knock, knock". Dr. Birkin laughed as he entered the lab. "Hmm, I can definatly tell who created Megaman Chris and Protoman Leon".

Liquid quickly wiped his eyes and jumped out of Claire's arms.

"Well, well, if it isn't Dr. Birkin". Liquid said. "I thought I smelled vasoline... what the hell do you want"?

"It's quite simple, really". Birkin replied. "Your worthless creations have destroyed four of my super robots, so I have come here to trash your lab and posibly break your legs in the process".

Birkin then snapped his fingers, and there was the sound of something moving, before the storage vault door was blown open from the inside. And as the smoke cleared, Liquid gasped as he saw the six robots that he had recovered from the battle six months ago.

"Claire, activate defence mode". Liquid ordered. "...Claire"?

He looked behind him just in time to see Claire vanish out the other door.

"God damn it". He said as he turned back toward Birkin.

Less then five seconds later Liquid was surrounded by the eskimo coat wearing Iceman, the big and scary Gutsman, the homosexual mask wearing Elecman, the tiny but sharp Cutman, the hot headed Fireman, and the just stupid looking Bombman.

"As you can see, Liquid". "Birkin continued. "I knew that I would never be able to destroy your labratory from my castle of evil, so I programed my first set of robots to shut down exactly 5 minutes after coming off warrenty, and to be reactivated whenever they recieve my signal, knowing damn well that you couldn't resist the urge to add insult to injury by not only sending my to jail with a 300 pound fiance named Bubba, but also stealing my robots for yourself".

Liquid had to admit that he was impressed.

"Well, damn". Liquid replied. "How long did it take you to come up with all that"?

"Ever since we were in the fifth grade". Birkin answered. "And I caught you fucking my sister in the bathroom, you pathetic excuse for a human".

Liquid had to think for a second.

"I think I remember that". He replied. "Yeah... that day would have been perfect if I didn't have to stop and whoop your ass for interupting us". "Whatever happened to her, anyway"?

"I killed her"! Birkin yelled. "Along with my entire family and everyone that I went to school with... but I made sure to save you for last".

"How nice of you".

"And now, Dr. Liquid, I am going back to my castle so that I can spend the rest of the afternoon listening to the song Goodbye Horses while I dance around in my grandmother's sunday dress".

"Well, I can't say that I'm completely shocked, but whatever does it for you".

"Yes, and what does it for me is the thought of my six robots beating you into a bloody pulp and then taking your manhood before cramming your own head so far up your ass that it get's back to the right position". "Any questions before I go"?

"Only one". "Do they have a word for what's wrong with you"?

"I WILL NOT BE LABELED"! "AHHHHHHH"!

Birkin screamed like a sissy man as he ran out of the lab, and jumped into something that looked like a one man flying saucer. But before he could close the top, a cop grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Hold it right there, Tinkerbell". The cop said. "You're parked in a fire zone, so I gotta write you a ticket".

"Plebian"! Birkin screamed. "Clearly your fear has blinded you to whom it is that you speak"!

"Oh, you no ebla englase". "I'll just talk slower so that you understand". "I...am...giving...you...el ticketo...for...parking...that...el shit truck...next...to...el fire hydranto".

"Oh yeah, welI have something for you".

Birkin quickly grabbed the cop's gun out of the holster, and shot him in the head. Then he kicked the body away, closed the top of the saucer, and flew off into the sky.

Meanwhile the six evil robots were getting ready to dish out an ass whoopin all over Liquid, and things were not looking good.

"So". Liquid said. "You guys are gonna kill me, huh"?

The robots looked at eachother, and then nodded as they got their weapons ready.

"Well, good for you". Liquid continued. "But could you let me have one last drink before I go"?

They looked at eachother again, and then nodded.

"Thanks guys". Liquid said as he walked over to his desk. "This really means alot to me".

The evil robots kept their weapons aimed at him as he walked over to the desk, and watched him closely as he picked up a small flask and took a drink.

"Damn, that's good stuff". He said as he set it down. "I really appreciate this guys, you aren't so bad afterall". "But could one of you tell me what that thing is behind you"?

The robots looked behind them, but nothing was there, so they turned back around just in time to see Liquid shoot Iceman in the head with Chris's mega-gun that he had left on Liquid's desk.

The cold robot fell over dead, and the others raised their weapons, but then Liquid shot the giant bomb that Bombman was holding. The resulting explosion incenerated Bombman, and knocked all the other robots on their asses.

Fireman was on his feet first, but in an instant Liquid was on him. He grabbed a fire extinguisher from on the wall, jammed the hose down into Fireman's head, and extinguished his headflames. Liquid then raised the extinguisher over his head, and slammed it down on Fireman, shoving the evil robot's head down into his own body.

He then used Fireman's body as a shield to avoid Cutman's blade, before raising the mega-gun, and shooting him in the chest 7 times, shutting him down perminantly.

Suddenly Elecman launched a bolt of electricity into the ground next to Liquid's feet, lifting him off the ground. But as he fell the mega-gun went off, striking the water pipe above Elecman's head. This sent a large stream of water down upon him, and the evil robot screamed as he was shorted out by his own power.

Now there was only one robot left, and Liquid turned to aim the mega-gun at Gutsman, but the evil robot was already on him.

He knocked the gun out of his hand, and then punched him in the stomach, making Liquid fly back about 10 feet before crashing to the ground. Gutsman then picked up a large piece of metal, and tossed it at him, but Liquid rolled out of the way at the last second.

When he stopped rolling he had reached the gun, so he aimed and fired, hitting Gutsman in the shoulder. He fired again, aiming right at the evil robot's head, but then he heard a terrible sound as he pulled the trigger.

Click.

"Uh, oh". He said.

Gutsman laughed at this, but then Liquid dropped the gun and ran at him full speed. He leaped through the air, and slammed both feet into the robot's chest, but then bounced back, and crashed to the ground.

"Ok then". Liquid said as he got up. "Then how about this"?

He quickly picked up the fire extinguisher from next to Fireman, and slammed it into Gutsman's head, making the robot laugh as the extinguisher broke in half.

"This is just ridiculous"! Liquid yelled as he dropped the broken extinguisher.

The next thing he knew, Gutsman backhanded him, before picking him up over his head, and tossing the screaming Liquid across the room where he crashed through his desk.

"You're a dead man, Dr. Liquid". Gutsman said in a 6 year old's voice as Liquid started to get up.

"What the hell"? Liquid asked. "No wonder you guys never talk".

This seemed to anger Gutsman, a fact made obvious when he picked up a large machine, and held it over his head in preparation to squash Liquid.

"Oh crap". Liquid said. "Plan, plan, need a plan".

Then he saw it.

Gutsman was just about to toss the machine, but at the last second Liquid grabbed Cutman's blade from the floor, and flung it at his ememy. The blade cut through Gutman's elbows like they were made of butter, and this loss of arms made the evil robot scream as he was crushed by the machine.

"And the game is over". Liquid said as he looked at the wreckage. "With a final score of Evil Robots nothing, and Dr. Liquid... still alive". "Now how the fuck am I gonna fix all this"? "Damn government won't give me anymore funding since that incident with the spider monkey...

For a moment he was pissed, but then he realized that he had taken down six of Birkin's robots all by himself.

"Damn, I'm good". He said to himself. "Thoes two fucktards better never complain about another mission ever again, because now there is no excuse for

He was interupted as Claire ran back into the room, and hugged him.

"I'm so glad you're ok". She said.

"And where the fuck were you"? Liquid asked.

"I was hiding".

"You were hiding"? "Are you saying that you were hiding someplace safe while I was getting my ass kicked by a bunch of robotic rejects from the 1980's"? "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blow your god damn head off right here and now".

In a flash Claire had her cute eyes on, and started making a pouting face.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Liquid". She said as she moved up against him. "I wanted to help you, but I'm just a cute and defenceless barely legal girl with a perfect ass and a set of knockers that would make a preacher kick in a stain glass window". "I was so scared that I just want someone manly and powerful like you to hold me tight, and to take advantage of my vulnerability because I'll do anything to get my mind off being scared... and I do mean anything".

"Who the fuck are you trying to kid"? Liquid asked. "You abandoned me in the hopes that when you came back I would be dead so that you wouldn't have to put up with my bullshit anymore". "Now I say again, give me one good reason why I shouldn't blow your god damn head off right here and now".

Claire sighed.

"Because if you promise not to tell my twin sister, Claire". She said. "I will let you do anything you want to me".

"All is forgivin". Liquid quickly said. "Come with me".

He picked her up, and put her over his shoulder before carrying her off to the bedroom.


	7. Heatman

"GOD DAMN IT'S HOT"! Chris screamed.

After only an instant of being transported by Liquid's teleportation system, Chris found himself in a furnace that was so hot it made him wish that he was back in the cold ocean of Bubbleman's world.

Heatman's area on the other hand was just like a giant furnace that pulsed with redhot currents of air. And everything was the color of flame, there was nothing but red, orange, and yellow wherever he looked.

But the best part was that on both sides of the brick pathway he was standing on there was a river of molten lava. So he backed away from it just to be safe, but then screamed as his ass pressed up against another brick wall.

The heat was like a hundred burning frying pans had come to take out all of their anger and rage in that one moment, and he hopped around like a screaming idiot untill the stinging stopped.

"God this place sucks"! He yelled. "I have to get out of here quick"! "Captain Obvious awayyyyyyyyyy"!

He took off like a shot, running down the path as fast as he could, but then coming to a dead stop as the path turned sharply, and his goofy ass almost fell into the lava.

"You should watch your step". A voice said.

"Yeah, thanks". Chris replied.

Then he stopped, and wondered why there was a voice behind him. So he turned around just in time to recieve a punch to the face that put him on his ass.

The heat from the path scorched his ass, making him scream and flop around as he tried to fight the burning pain long enough to get to his feet. But every time that he tried to use his arms to push himself back up, the heat would make him scream and fall back down, starting the whole process again.

Meanwhile his mysterious enemy the Prop Top, a gold colored robot with a propeller attached to it's head and a large fist as a weapon, continued to laugh at his pain and suffering.

"Hey, guys"! It called. "Come take a look at this moron"!

Almost instantly five more Prop Tops came hovering down from the cieling, and joined in on laughing at Chris until he finally managed to get to his feet.

"Damn". One of them said. "I thought he would atleast be down there for another ten minutes".

"You guys are assholes"! Chris yelled as he brushed himself off.

Suddenly the Prop Tops gasped as if offended.

"What"? One of them asked. "Can you believe this guy"?

"Un-fuckin-believable". Another one said. "Here we are taking time out of our busy schedual to lend this ungrateful son of a bitch our utmost moral support in his endevor, and what do we get in return"? "We get called assholes, that's what". "And would you like to know what the only thing on earth that hurts more then that is"?

"What"? Chris asked.

"Getting your ass beat by a dozen Prop Tops, GET HIM"!

Chris quickly drew the blade gun and fired, but since his aim was about as good as that of Helen Keller, it was easy for them to dodge the blade,and sock him again in the face, making him stumble backwards before screaming like a little bitch and taking off running down the path.

It was a full two minutes later that he realized that he was no longer being chased, so he stopped to rest for a moment, and that's when he noticed that pieces of the path in front of him were vanishing and reappearing at random for as far as he could see off into the distance.

"Christ, is this really nessessary"?! Chris yelled. "Dr. Liquid, what should I do"?

"What you should do". Liquid replied. "Is stop interupting me when I'm about to watch Hondo".

"But the path is vanishing all around me"! "I could be killed"!

"YOUR LIFE IS MEANINGLESS COMPARED TO HONDO"! "Now stop being a bitch and accomplish your mission"! "Liquid out".

Chris knew that his only choices were to either brave the vanishing path, or to go back and face the Prop Tops. And since he didn't want to get his ass beat again, it was decided that he would brave the path.

"Alright". Chris said as he took his first step. "Here goes nothing".

For the first few minutes nothing happened, but then the path vanished in front of him and behind him, forcing him to jump to the next section of the path just before the one that he was standing on vanished from sight.

He thought that he would be able to breathe easy for a second, but then he had to jump to another section, and then another, and another, and another.

"NO, NO, NO"! Chris screamed as he kept jumping from section to section. "Watch it... oh shit... no... look out... no"!

Finally he reached a section of the path that was not vanishing, so he was able to relax as he resumed walking for a few steps, before hearing a strange sound behind him. So he looked back behind him, and gasped as he saw that although the path behind him was no longer vanishing and reappearing, it was now sinking into the lava brick by brick.

"OH NO"! Chris screamed as he started running. "NO, NO, NO, NO"!

The collapsing path seemed to be chasing him as he ran, and no matter how fast he moved, it always seemed to be just one step behind him. In fact it was slowly getting closer to him, and he knew that if he didn't do something fast he would end up taking a lava bath.

"Oh, no pressure, huh"?! Chris yelled as he ran. "Fuck you, Narrator"!

Fuck the Narrator, huh? Ok, smartass, see how about this one? Suddenly the edge of the collapsing path caught up to him, and now he was hopping from brick to brick as they sank into the lava, staying just inches away from a painful firey death.

"NO"! Chris screamed as he hopped. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry"! "The Narrator is the greatest and most important part of any story"!

After a few more hops, Chris finally reached the end of the collapsing path, and he tried to catch his breath as the last of it sank into the lava.

"Ok then". He said as he looked around. "It's time to get the hell out of here".

He turned to walk down the new path, but found himself walking into a wall, jumping back as he burned him.

"Ow, damn it"! He yelled.

The wall in front of him went up for about fourty feet if he had to guess, and at the top was a large metal gate with the usual letter B.

"YES"! Chris screamed as he jumped up. "This nightmare is almost over... but how do I get up there"?

He got his answer as a large brick appeared on the wall, whacking him in the face before disapearing a second later as another brick appeared above it. He screamed and held his nose as he looked up at the wall, and then he gasped.

"You've got to be kidding me". He said as he watched bricks appear and vanish all the way up the wall, before starting at the bottom again.

He looked around for another way up, but already knew in his heart that this was the only way to go forward. So he waited for the bricks to start at the bottom, and then leaped on it just as it was vanishing, causing him to stay on the ground and get whacked in the face by the brick above the one that had just vanished.

"God damn it"! He yelled as he stumbled backwards. "Hey, I know"! "I'll float up there using the weapon that I got from Bubbleman"!

He reached into his backpack, and grabbed the bubble launcher. Then he shot it between his feet, and the large bubble formed under his feet, slowly lifting him up off the ground.

"Alright". Chris said as he looked up. "Score one for Chris"!

But then his cool points were deducted when the bubble rolled out from under his feet, making him scream as he did a face plant on the brick path, causing him to scream agian as he was burned by the schorched bricks.

Now he was furious as he got to his feet. So much that he took the blade gun off his belt and screamed as he spun around firing metal blades in all directions for a few minutes before he fell over from dizzyness, causing him to get burned once again.

"OW, DAMN IT TO FUCK"! Chris screamed as he jumped up. "WHO THE FUCK DESIGNES THESE PLACES"?! "I OUTA... oh, hey".

He looked at the wall in front of him, and stared in disbelief as he saw that the metal blades that he had been firing had stuck in the wall like almost perfect stepping stones. So he took a moment to make sure that no one had seen what happened, and then he ran up the metal blades, soon finding himself standing in front of the metal gate.

He grabbed the release lever, and screamed as the hot metal burned his hand. So he kicked it, and the gate flew open, shutting again as soon as he was on the other side of it.

Now it was time to face Heatman and to make him suffer for all the bullshit that Chris had to endure just to reach him. So he walked over to the second gate, kicked the release lever, and walked into the room where Heatman was waiting.

"So, Megaman Chris". Heatman said. "Atlast we meet for the first time, for the last time... yeah, that's right".

In front of Chris stood a smaller then average robot, with hot sizzeling steel for armor that was shaped like a box with a lid that was closed to protect his head. But then the lid opened, and the evil super robot's face was revealed.

"Wait a minute". Chris asked. "Rick Moranis"?

"I am not Rick Moranis"! Heatman yelled. "I am fricken Heatman, and with my atomic fire I shall destroy you"!

"No, I'm pretty sure that you're Rick Moranis".

Heatman was getting angry, and it showed as he glowed brighter and hotter then ever.

"It is not my fault"! He yelled. "My creator thought it would be funny to make me look and sound like Rick Moranis, but now you are gonna suffer for it"!

Chris screamed and dove out of the way as Heatman started tossing glob after glob of hot firey lava at him. He grabbed the blade gun and fired, but the blades melted before they even reached Heatman, meaning that Chris was defenceless. In fact all he could do was run around the room screaming like a lunitic as Heatman tossed more and more globs at him, making the metal gate and walls start to melt.

"How long can you run, Megaman Chris"? Heatman laughed as more of the walls started to melt.

"Better question, Rick". Chris replied as he kept running. "Are you the keymaster or the gatekeeper"?

"I AM NOT RICK MORANIS"!

Heatman screamed as he tossed more and more lava globs in all directions, but eventually the whole floor was covered except for where Chris was standing, meaning that there was nowhere else to run.

"Oh crap". Chris said as Heatman walked toward him.

The evil super robot laughed as he walked right up to Chris, and pointed the lava gun at his face.

"Who looks like Rick Moranis now, bitch"! Heatman yelled. "You do, don't you"?

"Yes"! Chris quickly yelled. "I'm Rick Moranis"!

"Yeah, that's right". "NOW DIE"!

Chris screamed like a girl as Heatman prepared to fire, but then it was Heatman's turn to scream as the lava all over the floor made the entire place collapse except for where Chris was standing.

The fire gun fell at Chris's feet as Heatman and the rest of the floor vanished into the river of lava, then Chris put the gun in his backpack, and grinned about his victory.

"Dr. Liquid"! He called. "I just killed Rick Moranis"!

"Is that so"? Liquid asked over the radio. "I could have sworn that you were Rick Moranis".

"Oh, you heard that, huh"?

"Yeah, I heard that, you pansey ass little worm, you". "But I'm willing to forgive your cowardice on one condition".

"What's that"?

"I want you to hit yourself really hard in the face".

"No".

"Ok, then stay in Heatman's area forever, jackass". "I just took out six of Birkin's robots all by myself, so there is no excuse for you to be such a little bitch, now hit yourself"!

Chris hesitated for a second, and then smacked himself in the face.

"Again". Liquid continued. "Harder".

Chris hit himself again and again for a few moments, and then stopped.

"Was that enough, Dr. Liquid"? He asked.

"Normally no". Liquid replied. "But since the fate of the world is at stake, it will have to do". "Now get ready, because you are about to see a friendly robot named Woodman".


	8. Crashman

A sharp musical whistle filled the air as Leon teleported into the area that belonged to Crashman, and after the horrible crap that happened to him in the last place, he was prepared for anything as he flew down toward a large walkway.

He could see the night sky and stars all around him, meaning that he was either really high up or it was night time. Either way he expected this place to suck some major balls.

But then his heart was filled with happiness as he saw a large metal gate with a B carved into the plate. And this was all on the walkway that he was falling toward.

"Hell yeah"! He yelled. "This is gonna be easier then asian women"!

He was ready to land gracefully on the walkway, rush into Crashman's lair, and dish out some ass whoopin before anyone even knew that he was there. This was truly going to be a great day for Protoman Leon.

But then his heart sank as he missed the walkway by about four feet.

"Uh, oh". He said as he saw the reality of just how high up he was.

Once he passed the walkway he saw that there were several platforms and ladders going down for as far as they eye could see. But he was not headed for them, oh no, he was headed for a series of pipes that semeed to run next to the platforms.

Before he knew it he slammed into the first pipe, knocking the wind out of him as he bounced off and continued his decent. And he was just catching his breath when his head slammed into another pipe, making him do a back flip just in time for the next pipe to hit right between his legs, making him turn white as he slid off of it.

This went on for what felt like forever, with Leon crashing into pipe after pipe, and while this was happening the sky slowly changed from black with stars into a clear blue sky complete with a shining sun.

Still Leon fell, slamming into pipe after pipe after pipe, before he had an idea.

Airman's hoverboard!

He quickly took it out of his backpack, and unfolded it, jumping on just before he would have hit another pipe. Now instead of going down, he was headed sideways at a high rate of speed.

"Alright"! He yelled as he looked back. "No pipe is gonna get the better of this guy"! "In fact all of you can

Suddenly he was interupted as the hoverboard passed under another pipe, catching Leon in the face, and knocking him off the hoverboard as it kept going.

Once again Leon found himself bouncing off pipe after pipe as he kept falling and falling and falling...

Until at last he bounced off the final pipe, and fell moaning and groaning to the ground.

"Ow, my everything"! He groaned. "I think I broke my everything"!

Fortunatly the hundreds of pipes that had been making him their bitch had also slowed down his fall to the point where he only got the wind knocked out of him on impact. Unfortunatly just as he was trying to get back up, the hoverboard fell onto his head, putting him back down.

"That did not need to happen"! Leon groaned as he got back up to his hands and knees.

After a few minutes he was able to put the hoverboard back into his backpack, and after a few more minutes he was able to pull himself to his feet in order to see he was, and what a sight Crashman's area was.

It was almost like a huge machine-like tower that stretched upward beyond the sky, complete with flashing circuit breakers and of course the network of pipes which Leon was very fimiliar with. But there was also the series of ladders and walkways that Leon had briefly seen on the way down, and he knew that thoes ladders were the only way back up to where he started.

There was no point in waiting around, so he walked over to the first ladder, and started climbing.

Leon reached the first platform without incident, but we can't have that, now can we?

He walked across the platform, and was just putting his hands on the next ladder, when a piece of the nearest pipe sudenly detached itself from the rest and flew at Leon, smacking him in the stomach, putting him on his hands and knees.

"What the fuck"?! He groaned as he looked back up.

Another piece of pipe came at him, missing his face by inches, so he grabbed the ladder and started up as more and more pipe pieces came for him, striking him and the ladder as he kept going up.

He kept getting hit by them as he reached the next platform... and the next... and the next, but then they stopped coming, and Leon started to think that he was safe...

Until he ran right into hideout of the helmet heads.

These small robots appeared to be nothing more then hard hats until Leon got closer, but then their helmets popped up as their weapons popped out.

"Oh, damn". He said.

He then screamed as the helmet heads attacked, forcing him to run back to the end of the platform, where he had no choice but to take a flying leap back onto the pipes. This saved him from the helmet heads and made it a bit easier for him to climb up, but once again he found himself being harrassed by more pipe pieces.

"Ow, damn it"! He yelled as they struck him while he climbed. "God I hate this place"!

Still more pipe pieces slammed into him, making it harder and harder to climb, until a piece struck his hand, making him scream as he lost his grip and began to fall once again.

"NO"! He screamed. "NOT AGAIN"!

He expected to get beaten down by the pipes again, but instead he only fell a few feet before landing on something that started moving him up instead of down.

At first he thought that the hoverboard had somehow activated by itself, but then he looked down and saw that he was on some kind of a lift that ran along a track, slowly moving up the machine tower as it twisted and turned around the system of pipes.

"Well that's great". Leon said as he relaxed. "Where the hell were you when I got here, huh"?

Higher and higher it took him, twisting and winding around walkways and pipes, but then it suddenly flipped over, making him cry out as he was dropped on another walkway.

The lift then turned around and started back down the track.

"Well, fuck you too". He said as he got up. "Now where the hell is the ladder"?

Now within the clouds, Leon was reminded of the place where he fought Airman, and then this fimiliar feeling intensified as a large egg was dropped on the other end of the platform.

"Not again"! He screamed as he started climbing up the ladder.

A dozen little bird robots flew out of the egg, and Leon started crying as they chased him up the ladder and across the next platform.

"Get away from me"! He yelled as he climbed. "You fuckers, get away from me"!

Up ladder after ladder, and across platform after platform, but it was not until Leon colapsed from exaustion that he realized that the birds were no longer chasing him. And as he looked around he saw that the sky was now black with stars again, filling him with the hope that he was almost there.

So he took a few minutes to catch his breath before resuming his climb by grabbing onto the next ladder. And he was halfway up when he heard a noise, causing him to look up just in time to see an extreme close up of a Prop Top's fist.

The blow to his chin caused him to lose his grip on the ladder, and he fell back down to the platform with the Prop Top in hot persuit.

"Got you, fucker"! It yelled as it dove at him.

It seemed like Leon was about to be hit again, but at the last second a pipe piece flew at Leon at the same time, making the two robots ram into eachother just as they reached him.

Both robots were destroyed except for the Prop Top's propeller which got hooked onto Leon's uniform, and started lifting him upward as it tried to fly away. Leon tried to get free, but then he realized that it was helping him along, so he decided to just enjoy the ride.

The propeller took him up and up and up, until he once again reached the walkway where the metal gate was. But it was still taking him up, so he struggled with it for a second before shooting it with his proto-gun.

This caused him to realize that shooting it wasn't such a good idea just before slamming into the walkway.

"I hate this place"! He yelled as he tried to get up.

After a moment he was back on his feet, and he stumbled over to the gate, opening it with the release lever, and having it slam shut right after he entered.

"It's about god damn time".He grumbled as he walked over to the second gate.

With a touch of the release lever the door was opened, and he walked in to see that Crashman was waiting for him.

This evil super robot was about his size, and also wore red, but had a stupid looking helmet that reminded him of Chris, and he also held a bomb launcher in both hands.

"Hello Protoman Leon". He said. "My name is Crashman, and my job is to whoop that ass all over this place". "So check this out".

He fired one of the bomb launchers, striking the wall behind Leon, making him scream as the blast wave made him eat the floor.

"Not enough for you"? Crashman asked. "Then how about this"?

Leon jumped to his feet and tried to run away as Crashman began firing both launchers at him, striking the walls and exploding in a series of deafening booms.

More and more bombs flew through the air, and now Crashman was spinning around while laughing like a fricken lunitic as Leon kept getting knocked around by the blastwave of the bombs.

Finally fatigue caught up to Leon, and he collapsed to the floor as Crashman aimed both launchers at him.

"And now, Protobitch Leon". He said. "You have two choices here: You can either get blown to smithereens, or I can have my way with you".

"Say what"?! Leon demanded.

"You heard me, bitch". "You can either be my little concubine, or you can be splattered all over this room". "The choice is yours".

Now it was no secret that Leon was scared at this point, but he was also a superhero who had to stand his ground no matter what.

"Now you listen here, assclown". Leon said as he got to his feet. "You may have me outguned and outclassed, but if you think for a second that I'm gonna do homosexual things just to save my own ass then... then...then you're absolutely right". "Just don't tell anyone about this, ok"?

Crashman started laughing, but then the bomb strikes on the walls took their toll as a creaking and groaning sound filled the room just before Crashman vanished as most of the room's cieling collapsed on him.

"YES"! Leon screamed. "Take that you fucking butt pirate"! "Dr. Liquid, I did it"!

"Did what"? Liquid asked over the radio. "Offered to be someone's bitch just to save your own ass"? "Wellgood job with that, and here is your reward".

Suddenly the electrodes went off, making Leon scream as he ran around the room holding his ass.

"Why are you so fucking worthless"? Liquid asked as the electrodes stopped. "God damn you are a waste of protien, and I hope that Birkin whoops your ass if you manage to survive long enough to se his castle".

"I am not worthless". Leon argued. "I could always sell my own body to medical science for about ten thousand dollars and then would also

He was interupted as the electrodes went off, making him jump.

"Just grab the damn bomb launcher". Liquid ordered. "And get ready for an ass beating, because you are about to face Quickman".


	9. Woodman

BOOM-BOOM-boom-boom-BOOM, the sound of drums fulled the air as Chris found himself in a steamy, sweaty jungle. The place the Woodman called home was unlike any place that he had ever been before in his whole life.

Unlike the machine-filled world of Metalman or the ice-covered city that had belonged to flashman, this place was actually a real jungle complete with all kinds of creatures going about their business as they leaped around the trees, or ran along the ground. Hell, there was even a Panda Bear.

"Hey there, uh... bear". Chris said as he started walking past it.

Suddenly the panda grabbed the blade gun out of Chris's holster, and jacked him in the mouth with it, making him cry out as he fell on his ass.

"The name is Po, bitch". The panda said. "Now empty your pockets".

"What"? Chris asked as he started to sit up. "Why did you

Po suddenly kicked him in the face, sending him back down.

"I said empty your damn pockets, fucker"! Po yelled. "What do you think this is, fucking disneyland"?! "I want your keys, your wallet, and your watch right the hell now or I'm gonna seriously fuck your world up, NOW LET'S FUCKING GO"!

Chris hesitsted for a second, but then Po aimed the blade gun at him, making him start taking things out of his pockets, and laying them on the ground.

"That's better". Po said as he looked at the stuff. "Now let's see... we got a backpack, a half eaten pack of doublemint gum, a set of keys, a fake-ass rolex, and you know what... gimme your shoes, too".

"My shoes"? Chris asked.

Po fired a metal blade at the ground between Chris's legs, making him scream like a girl as he pissed himself.

"Shoes, now"! Po yelled. "Let's go, you pissy-pants little faggot"!

Chris sobbed as he took off his boots, and set them with all the other stuff.

"Ok, then". Po said. "But now to add insult to injury you are gonna carry this stuff back to my cave for me".

"You can't be serious". Chris sobbed.

Po then showed him how serious he was by kicking him in the nuts, making Chris yelp as he got into the fetal position.

"Carry my stuff, NOW"! Po screamed. "Hyah, bitch, hyah"!

Chris quickly scooped up his own stuff, and started walking as Po pushed him forward with the blade gun.

"Yeah, that's right, mother fucker". Po said. "And when we get there your ass is gonna make my dinner and clean the whole damn place, you stupid little bitch boy". "And then you get to

He was interupted as there was a rustling sound in the bushes, followed by a six foot pink rabbit jumping into the path, blocking their way.

"Aw, crap". Po grumbled. "Not this guy again".

"Freeze, mother fucker"! The rabbit yelled as he aimed what looked like a grenade launcher at them. "You been duckin and dodgin me for about three weeks now, and it's time to pay up, you miserable excuse for a piece of shit panda"!

"Pay up"? "You still owe me from last weeks poker game, numb nuts". "But if you insist on payment, YOU CAN HAVE COLD STEEL"!

Po aimed and fired the blade gun at the same moment that the rabbit fired what looked like a carrot missile. An instant later the rabbit's head fell off, and Po was blown into three different pieces, leaving Chris standing there holding his own stuff like a dickhead.

He just stood there for a second, and then smiled as he began taking back his stuff, first putting his boots back on, followed by everything else.

"Yeah, that's right". Chris said to their bodies. "You thought that you was just gonna take it, huh"? "Well, little did you know that you were fucking with Megaman Chris, the ripper of robbers, the thumper of thievs, the killer of kidnappers, and the mauler of murderers, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

"Don't forget the pisser of pants". Liquid said over the radio.

Chris looked down, and tried his best to cover the wet stain on his uniform.

"That was without a doubt". Liquid continued. "The most pathetic display of cowardice and worthlessness that I have ever seen, and believe me I have seen some whoppers in my time". "What is it like to be so god damn worthless"?

"Well, I". Chris began.

"It was a retorical question, moron". "That means that either I don't want to hear your answer, or I just don't care what it is". "Now get your Forest Gump looking ass moving before I push the button".

"What button"?

"This one".

Suddenly Chris started screaming and running around as an intense electric current shot into through his ass cheeks.

"Point made". Liquid said. "Liquid out".

The radio went dead and a second later the pain stopped. So Chris finished reclaiming his stuff, and began walking through the jungle.

"Damn, it's hot". He said as he wiped his brow.

Now that he was free from ass whoopins for a minute, Chris realized just how hot and humid this place was. It was nothing like Heatman's world which had been a dry searing heat, it was more of a wet and sticky just kind of lingering there heat.

He continued walking, pasing tree after tree, and he found it odd that nothing had tried to kill him in the last few minutes. But that all changed as he heard some rustling from up above him, and he looked up to see what looked like giant black apples.

But then he gasped as one by one they turned into mean looking bats that dropped down on him, flapping their huge wings and making horrible shreeking noises as they clung onto him.

Chris screamed like a girl and took off running blindly into the forest, flailing his arms around like a dumbshit as he tried to shake off the bats.

But then they flew of just as quickly as they appeared, and Chris soon understood why as he ran right into a large hole that led under a giant tree. The next thing he knew he was falling, and he didn't even have time to scream before he slammed into the ground, giving him a mouthful of dirt.

There was no way to go back the way he came, so his only choice was to follow the tunnel. So he did, and he was surprised to find that it only went down for another fifteen feet or so before heading upward into what seemed like an endless curve as he walked up higher and higher and higher.

"Will this never end"? Chris asked.

Then as if on cue a bright light filled his vision and as he stepped out of the tunnel, he learned why the upward walk had taken so long.

He had been climbing up the inside of the giant tree in a sort of upward spiral, and as his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw that he was now high above the treetops.

"Man, it feels good to be outside again"! He exclaimed.

He then did a Tarzan yell, but was stopped as an apple struck him in the head.

"Shut the fuck up"! A voice yelled.

"You shut the fuck up"! Chris replied.

"What did you say, asshole"?!

"I said I'm gonna whoop your ass and then I'm gonna make you watch as I butt-rape your mother"!

Everthing was quiet for a moment, and Chris started to think that he had actually won an insult match, but then his pride turned into horror as seven silverback gorillas came out of hiding.

"You wanna butt-rape my mother, huh"? One of them asked. "Maybe we should show you what it's like to be butt-raped, just like we did to Kid Rock".

"OH GOD, HELP ME"! Kid Rock screamed as more gorillas dragged him away.

"Jesus Christ"! Chris yelled.

The gorillas started to close in on him, and Chris needed a way out fast. So he franticly looked around, and felt a glimmer of hope as he looked at the jungle floor and saw a large metal gate with a B off in the distance.

"Ok, now how do I get there"? He asked as he looked around.

Then he got an idea that might be crazy enough to work, so he grabbed a nearby vine, and prepared to jump.

"So long, suckers"! He yelled. "Megaman Chris awayyyyyyyyyy"!

He jumped off, and felt like the king of the jungle as he began to swing across the jungle floor. But then he felt like the ass of the jungle as he realzed that the vine was too long, causing him to crash into the ground about a hundred yards away from the gate.

He slid across the dirt, finally coming to a sudden stop against a fallen tree, and he heard the gorillas laughing at him as he tried to get up. Then they started throwing fruit from up in the trees, making Chris stumble toward the gate while he tried to dodge apples and coconuts.

But no matter how he moved, each one bashed him in the head, making him eat the dirt again several times before he reached the gate. And even as he passed through and it slammed shut behind him he could still hear fruit slamming into it as he walked toward the second gate.

He took a moment to catch his breath before opening the second gate, and walking into the room just in time to see a large wooden fist coming his way.

The blow knocked him on his ass, and he looked up to see the evil super robot named Woodman who could only be described as a wooden sumo wrestler.

"That was for dressing like a complete faggot"! Woodman yelled.

Then he started kicking and stomping Chris.

"This is for wearing blue"! He yelled. "This is for being a stupid ass white boy, this is for coming into my room without knocking, this is for disturbing my jungle, and this is for making me waste my time whooping you ass"!

He kicked Chris one more time, making him cry and curl up in a ball.

"Now get the fuck outa here". Woodman ordered. "I'm expecting Megaman Chris to come barging in here like an idiot any second now".

"But I'm Megaman Chris"! Chris yelled.

It was only after he said it that he realized he should have kept his mouth shut, because now Woodman seemed angry.

"Is that so"? Woodman asked as he jumped backward. "You think you can get me to let my guard down by pretending to be a pathetic little cocksucker, do you"? "Then taste my leaf shield"!

Suddenly a bunch of giant metal leaves surrounded Woodman, and after a few seconds of spinning around, they launched at Chris with their razor sharp edges. Then Chris screamed as they jammed into the very edges of his uniform, pinning him to the wall.

"What do you think of that"? Woodman asked as more leaves gathered around him. "Now prepare to be skewered"!

Chris screamed as he covered his face, but then he heard Woodman cry out in shock. So he lowered his arms and saw that the evil super robot was now rolling around on the ground covered in termites.

And the termites were coming from the fruit pieces that were still stuck to Chris from when the gorrillas tossed it at him.

In a matter of moments Woodman was reduced to nothing but a bit of sawdust, and after about fifteen minutes of struggling with the leaves, Chris was free to collect the Leaf Shield and hold it above his head in victory.

"YES"! Chris screamed. "I am the man, I am the one, I am the king"! "All hail me, Megaman Chris, the undisputed heavyweight champion of awsomeness, but fear not, because there is no charge for awsomness"!

"Will you shut up already"? Liquid asked over the radio. "How can I watch Claire's new exotic dance if I have to listen to your insessent blithering"?

"Dr. Liquid, I beat Woodman"!

"You know, Chris". "I sent you here because I thought beating wood was your speciality, but I sincerly believe that you will succede in life once you run out of things to fail at".

"Thanks, Dr. Liquid... I think". "So, what's next"?

"Next"? "You want next"? "Well, I have good news you you, asshole". "As soon as your worthless ass partner finishes up with Quickman, you two fuck sticks are going directly to Dr. Birkin's castle of evil".


	10. Quickman

For the longest time there was only silence, but then a sharp musical whistle cut through the air as Leon arrived on the scene. And he might have landed this one properly if his foot hadn't got caught on the edge of a large machine, making him do a face plant on the hard concrete floor.

"Damn it"! He yelled as he sat up.

But then he felt fear as his words echoed off in the distance for several moments before it faded away. And as he looked at his surroundings he realized that Quickman's area was some kind of a dark and abandoned factory that was filled with large but silent machines.

He listened for several minutes, but there was nothing. No movement, no nothing. So he got to his feet, and came to the conclusion that he was in fact all alone in this extremely dark and silent place.

And for some reason this made it much scarier then any of the other places that he had been to.

"Hello"? He asked in a quiet voice. "Is anybody there"?

"What is your problem"? Liquid asked over the radio.

The sudden noise made Leon scream as he jumped, and the resulting echos scared him even more.

"I said what is your problem"? Liquid asked.

"It's dark and scary in here, Dr. Liquid". Leon whispered.

"Oh, is that all"? "Well then you need to make sure not to think about the thousands of horrible nightmares that probably lurk in the shadows, waiting to drag you away and kill you seven times before you know you're dead". "Just remain calm and just ignore the fact that you are probably gonna end up getting your eyes ripped out like that kid on Jeepers Creepers, or maybe you will get lucky and only get your intistines pulled out like in that movie The Cell". "Hell, you might even OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT"?!

Leon screamed and began firing his gun indiscriminatly in all directions, blasting holes in several machines before finally stopping. Then the echos stopped, and the place was once again silent and dark.

"My god, you're jumpy". Liquid continued.

By this time Leon was shaking with fear as he looked around, and tears were running down his face as he tried to hold his weapon still.

"What the fuck is wrong with you"? Liquid asked.

"I'm afraid of the dark". Leon whimpered.

"Oh, is that all"? "Well you can be assured that there is absolutely no reason whatsoever to be afraid of the dark".

"There's not"?

"Of course not". "Darkness is exactly the same as daytime, except it's alot harder to see". "So the darkness is completely harmless, but the horrible nightmarish monsters that wait in the darkness is a whole other story". "Well, I'm glad that I could cheer you up, but now I'm gonna go watch Scooby Doo, so good luck and just be sure not to turn your back on anything or you might wake up dead". "Liquid out".

The radio went dead, and Leon knew that his only choice was to move on if he wanted to get out of this place, so he put his proto-shield on his back, and aimed his gun in front of him as he started moving.

He walked on tip-toes as he worked his way around machine after machine, but still there was nothing in this place at all. It was just too quiet...

Was someone, or something sneaking up on him?

He got his answer as something wooshed past his face, and stuck to the wall, making him jump. And when he looked, he gasped as he saw that it was a metal boomerang that was now stuck in the wall.

Just like in Flashman's world.

"Not again"! He screamed as more of them came flying out of the darkness.

The boomerangs flew past him as he ran, sticking into walls and machines as he climbed over and ducked under all kinds of metal obstructions. But still they kept coming, now from all directions so no matter which way he turned, they were on him.

Then he saw it.

What looked like an old abandoned elevator shaft was sitting against a wall about twenty yards away, so Leon ducked his head down as he ran, diving down into the shaft just before an entire wall of boomerangs decended upon him.

He landed on a ledge not 6 feet down, and in the dim light he could see other ledges going down as far as it was possible to see. So he did the obvious thing and began leaping down from ledge to ledge, slowly but surely decending the shaft so far without incident.

But that all changed in a flash as a large laser beam shot across the shaft, missing Leon's head by inches. But the superhero known as Protoman Leon was unphased by this pitiful attempt on his life.

"Unphased, my ass"! Leon yelled as he leaped down to another ledge. "A fricken laser beam damn near took my head off, you worthless excuse for a narrator"!

Oh, you wanna talk shit, too, huh? Well get a load of this. Suddenly more and more laser beams began cutting across the shaft, making Leon scream as he did everything he could to dodge them.

"Ok, I'm sorry"! Leon yelled as he continued to dodge. "You're a great narrator, PLEASE FORGIVE ME"!

That's better, just as it seemed like Leon was going to get fried, he spotted an opening, so he dove for it, and soon found himself on another floor of the same quiet factory.

"Damn, it's quiet here". He said as he got up. "But I'll take quiet any day over thoes lasers".

He continued walking on tiptoes through the factory, and he was passing what looked like a large wooden box, when it suddenly sprang open and the thing inside slammed into his chin, putting him on his ass.

And when he looked up there was a grinning jack in the box staring at him...

Then it raised it's weapon and started shooting, making Leon scream as he ran in another direction.

He ran blindly, leaping over machines, and ducking under conveyer belts in an effort to escape any other jack in the boxes that might be waiting for him. Then he looked ahead and gasped as he came to a screeching halt.

Standing in front of him was a mean looking robot with flames shooting out of its head. It also wore what looked like a tuxedo.

"Uh, hi". Leon said.

"What's up, man"? It asked. "I'm Hot Head, and I find myself wondering what is the big hurry"?

"Well, I'm actually looking for Quickman". "Have you seen him around"?

"Sure have, he's at the bottom of the elevator shaft".

"I was afraid you'd say that".

"Nobody survives the elevator shaft, so you might as well just cool your jets for awhile".

Leon wanted to relax and hang out for awhile, but it was his duty as a hero to save the world, and besides Chris was counting on him to do his part.

"Sorry, I can't". Leon said. "I really have to find Quickman so that I can take care of him, and get outa here".

"Oh, that's really too bad". Hot Head replied. "That means that I have to do things like this".

He bowed forward and Leon screamed as a stream of fire shot out from its head.

Leon barely managed to dive out of the way, and then he took off in yet another direction while firing his gun behind him indiscriminatly in an attempt to ward off Hot Head. Now he was on the lookout for lasers, jack in the boxes, and Hot Head.

Unfortionatly he spent so much time looking out for enemies behind him, that he forgot to watch where he was going, causing him to scream as the floor suddenly vanished from beneath him, and he fell back into the elevator shaft.

"Fuck"! He screamed as he bounced off the first ledge. "Fuck, fuck, fuck"!

After bouncing off of three more ledges, he came to a stop on the fourth one, and was just getting up, when he had to drop back down as a laser beam shot across the shaft.

"NOT AGAIN"! He screamed as he rolled off the ledge.

He fell down to the next ledge just as another laser beam was heading toward it, and it looked like the end. But then he hit the ledge and the laser beam stopped in mid flight.

Leon looked around for a second as if confused, and then he realized that he had fallen on his watch...

The Time Stopper!

"HAHA"! Leon yelled as he jumped to his feet. "Got you, fucker"! "Look at your frozen ass just hanging there while your target is so close, yet so far away"!

He spent the next few seconds laughing and dancing around the laser beam, but then his laughter turned to horror as the beam started moving again, giving him just enough time to dive down to the next ledge before it would have hit him.

It was then that he realised why the Time Stopper had only froze him for a minute or so when Flashman still held it. The effects were temporary, so now Leon had to dodge the lasers again while he waited for the watch to recharge.

But after a few more lasers came flying past, he had officially had enough, and he went against all of his good senses by taking a flying leap off of the ledge, screaming as he fell into the abyss like Luke Skywalker in the empire strikes back.

Down, down, down he fell, screaming like a sissy girl all the way until he came to a sudden stop as something broke his fall at the bottom of the shaft.

"Oh, thank god". Leon said as he looked at his rescuer. "OH NO"!

He had landed on top of one of the ride armors from Flashman's world.

"Found him, guys"! It yelled as it dropped Leon to the ground. "Game on"!

Leon tried to get away, but it kicked him before he could, making him scream as he was sent flying through the air.

Another one got ready to kick him back, but at the last second Leon pressed the button on his watch, freezing the ride armors in place, and allowing him to fly right past them. This went well for a few seconds, but then he slammed into a large metal gate, getting a red mark in the shape of a letter B on his head before falling to the floor.

It took him a second to collect himself, and he was just grabbing the release lever on the gate, when the ride armors started moving again, and man were they pissed. So Leon quickly pulled the lever and dove inside, letting the gate slam shut just before the ride armors had him.

"Too close". He said as he caught his breath. "That was too close".

He knew that Quickman was waiting for him inside, and this time he was going to be prepared. So he waited for his Time Stopper to recharge, before walking over to the other gate, and hitting the release lever.

And there was Quickman, waiting for him as the gate slammed shut.

This evil super robot wore red kind of like Leon, but a large gold boomerang decorated his helmet. Then he spoke, but his voice sounded like someone fast forwarding an old VCR.

"What"? Leon asked.

Quickman started talking again, but still it sounded like a fast forwarding VCR.

"What"? Leon asked again.

Quickman was getting angry at not being understood, so he jumped up and down a few times while yelling incoherently, but the strangest thing was that when he moved, it was like watching a blur.

"Wait a second". Leon said. "I got an idea".

He quickly pushed the button on his watch, but instead of being frozen, Quickman was slowed down to normal speed.

"Now what were you saying"? He asked.

"I said fuck you, Protoman Leon"! Quickman yelled. "And now I'm gonna fuck your world up like bang, boom, zap, zing"!

"Why are you so hyper"?

"Because Dr. Birkin left all of his amphetamines here the last time he visited, AND I TOOK THEM ALL"!

"Well... ok, then".

Suddenly the Time Stopper wore off and Leon felt a boot hit him in the face before he even saw Quickman move toward him. This sent him flying toward the wall, but Quickman was behind him before he reached it, and the evil super robot hit him again and again and again, bouncing him all around the room before finally letting him crash to the floor.

It took all of his remaining strength, but Leon managed to hit the button on his watch.

"Had enough yet"? Quickman asked.

"Uh... yeah". He replied.

"Good... because now you get to feel the wrath of my quick bomerang"!

"Your what"?

A few seconds later the time stoper wore off, and Quickman raised the boomerang to destroy Leon once and for all, but suddenly there was an explosion from within the evil super robot's body, and smoke started coming out of his ears as he fell over dead.

Leon just sat there for a few seconds before getting to his feet, then he checked to see if Quickman was really dead and helped himself to the quick boomerang.

"Dr. Liquid". Leon said as he put it away. "I did it"! "I defeated Quickman because I am the greatest robot superhero turned human that has ever exsisted"!

"Oh yeah"? Liquid asked over the radio. "Are you sure, because from here it looks like all of thoes amphetimines caused his robotic heart to explode".

Leon just hung his head.

"Yes, Leon". Liquid continued. "Drink deeply from the cup of shame, and know that you are a lier". "That's right, you are a lier with pants constantly on fire". "And what did I teach you about lying"?

"Well". Leon replied. "You said that you should only lie to get yourself out of a jam, or if the person you are talking to is a dumbass, or if you want something, or if you have to protect your friends by making an innocent person take the fall, or if you

"Yes, yes, good, good, the point is that honesty is the best policy".

"But you always said that only a born sucker tells the truth when he could just

"SILENCE"! "Grab the boomerang and get your goofy ass back to the lab, because you fuckers are about to take the fight to Dr. Birkin himself".


	11. Final Preparations

In a flash the teleportation machine made Chris vanish, but instead of appearing in front of some strange castle of evil, he found himself back at Dr. Liquid's lab. A second later a sharp musical whistle filled the air just before Leon came flying through the window.

He managed to get through the window without incident, but failed to notice the large pile of paint cans and replacement windows, so alot of screaming ensued followed by the sound of shattering glass and knocked over paint cans.

"I'm ok"! Leon yelled as he jumped up.

"Leon, you're still alive"! Chris exclaimed. "That means that all of the eight evil robots were no match for awesome superheros of our caliber"!

"That's right, and now we shall lay the smack down all over Dr. Birkin's ass"!

They went to do a high five, but missed eachother's hands as they kept leaning forward, instead grabbing eachother's ankle, and doing a strange sort of hand to foot shake.

Suddenly the door was kicked open, making them fall to the floor in surprise as Liquid entered the room.

"And just what do you have to say for yourselves"? He asked.

They quickly jumped to their feet, and started to talk, but were interupted by Liquid swinging his arm, smacking them both in the side of the head.

"You two are nothing short of disgraceful". Liquid continued. "That had to be the most pathetic display of worthlessness since they made a sequel to that Alone In The Dark movie".

"That's not true". Leon argued. "Not only did we completely destroy the eight evil super robots, but we also took their weapons, and used them to kill their friends".

Liquid stood there for a second as if deep in thought, and then he slammed his foot into Leon's nuts.

"OH GOD"! Leon screamed as he fell into the fetal position. "OH GREAT JESUS GOD"!

"Let's review the tape, shall we"? Liquid asked as he pushed a button on his monitor.

There was static for a second, and then the image changed to Leon getting kicked around by the ride armors in Flashman's world. It then showed him getting smacked around by Flashman himself before the evil robot was crushed by his own ride armors.

"Yep". Liquid said as he hit fast forward. "You sure showed him".

A few seconds later the image changed to Leon getting punched by the cloud climbers in Airman's world, before getting thrown around Airman's main chamber, making it obvious that he would have died if the turkey hadn't flown into Airman's intake system.

"Good job, Leon". Liquid said as he hit fast forward. "He was no match for you, huh"?

A few seconds later the image changed to Leon missing the walkway in Crashman's world and slamming into every pipe for a mile before hitting the ground and getting jacked in the head by his own hoverboard. Then Leon hung his head in shame as the image changed to him trying to save his own ass by offering up his ass to Crashman before the room collapsed on the evil robot from damage done by his own bombs.

"Are any of us surprised"? Liquid asked as he hit fast forward. "But wait... there's more".

A few seconds later the image changed to Leon screaming like a girl while running around the dark factory that was Quickman's world, getting shot at by all kinds of robots, before getting his as kicked all over the room by Quickman, who would have certainly killed Leon with his bomerang, but instead died of a robotic heart attack from all the amphetimines that he had taken.

"Good work, Leon". Liquid said as he hit pause. "Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't feed you to a bunch of rabid hedgehogs".

"Because I won't let you". Chris replied. "Protoman Leon is my partner, and I will use my all powerful skills to defend him against even you, Dr. Liquid".

Liquid shrugged, and then pushed another button, making Chris scream and fall to the ground as the electrodes on his ass suddenly came to life. They stopped a few seconds later, leaving Chris in the same position as Leon.

"All powerful skills, huh"? Liquid asked as he pushed the play button on the monitor. "Let's take a look".

The image went to static for a second, and then showed Chris screaming as he ran away from the many mechanical nightmares in Metalman's world, before getting chased into a corner by Metalman himself, who was then crushed by his own press.

"Nice one, Chris". Liquid said as he hit fast forward. "But we can do better".

A few seconds later the image changed to Chris screaming like a girl as the frogs from Bubbleman's world chased him around before casting him into the water where he was zapped by a bunch of jellyfish. Then it showed the bubble lead from Bubbleman himself rolling right over him, making the blade gun misfire, accidently killing the evil robot.

"I was almost tempted to give you credit for that one". Liquid said as he hit fast forward. "But then I saw this".

A few seconds later the image changed to Chris floping around on the brick floor of Heatman's world, and then screaming as hopped around on the vanishing bricks. And then it showed him admiting that he was Rick Moranis right before Heatman fell through the floor which had melted because of the evil robot's own weapon.

"Now at this point I thought I had seen everything". Liquid said as he hit fast forward. "But then I saw this awesome display of skills".

A few seconds later it showed Chris in Woodman's world getting robbed by the panda bear. Then it showed him slamming into the ground from the vine that was too long, before getting his ass kicked by Woodman before Woodman even knew who he was. But the greatest moment was when Woodman was killed by termites from pieces of fruit that had stuck to Chris while he was running from gorillas.

"And there you have it". Liquid said as the monitor shut off. "I swear to god that you two have to be the sorriest pieces of clown shit that I have ever had the misfortune of looking at". "I mean, does it hurt to be so pointless and stupid"? "Well it should, so you get things like this".

He then started kicking and stomping them for a few minutes, before being interupted by the fax machine going off.

It printed off a few sheets of paper, and Liquid grabbed them as it finished.

He spent the next few seconds reading it to himself, and then he looked back at Chris and Leon as they got to their feet.

"My god". Liquid said as he handed it to them. "Look at this".

They took the papers, and spent about a minute stairing at it and turning it upside down a few times while consentrating hard. But then Liquid grabbed it back from them.

"I'm just kidding". He said. "I know that you fucktards can't read". "It says: Dear Dr. Liquid, Megaman Chris, and Protoman Leon". "I am very angry at the fact that you destroyed my eight super robots, and at the fact that my original six robots were also destroyed, but that's neither here nor there". "The point is that just because you destroyed my robots doesn't mean that you can get to me". "I have set up horrible bone crushing traps designed to inflict the most horrible and disgusting deaths that you have ever had a nightmare about". "So come to my castle of evil if you dare, but be prepared for the consequences". "Best wishes, Dr. Birkin".

Liquid then crumpled up the fax, and tossed it into the trash can.

"Oh well, that sucks". Liquid said as he started to walk away. "But the eight evil super robots have been destroyed, so I'm going to bed". "Clare promised to wear the police uniform tonight".

"But Dr. Liquid, you can't". Chris argued.

"Sure I can, she's of legal age, and completely consenting".

"No, I mean you can't just go to bed when Dr. Birkin is still out there".

"Sure I can, just watch".

"Dr. Liquid, he's right". Leon replied. "We have a mission to complete, and it is our duty as strong and manly superheros to save the day and to use our power to forever defend the world against evil from wherever it comes".

He and Chris did a high five and then struck their hero pose.

"By god, you two are gay sometimes". Liquid said. "What are you two homos gonna do next, get a room"? "I mean, how do you weak ass mother fuckers expect to not only infiltrate the cantle of evil without getting killed, but also defeat whatever god aweful nightmares that Dr. Birkin has created to protect him, let alone capture or kill the cocksucker himself"? "You morons couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag".

"Oh yeah"? Leon asked. "I didn't see you defeating any of the super robots".

"Yes, Leon, that's because I was here defeating six of them all by myself, and since I believe that stupidity should hurt, you get this".

He quickly grabbed a paperweight off the desk, and chucked it at Leon, making him scream and fall to the floor as it struck him in the face.

"OH GOD"! Leon screamed. "Why would you do that"?!

"He was just voicing his opinion, Dr. Liquid". Chris argued. "You shouldn't have done that to him".

"You're absolutly right". Liquid replied. "I should have done it to you".

Liquid then pushed the button on the monitor, making Chris scream and fall to the floor as the electrodes in the ass of his uniform started firing.

"OH GOD, MY ASS"! Chris screamed as he rolled around. "OW, IT BURNS"!

A few seconds later Liquid let go of the button, and a few minutes after that Chris and Leon started getting to their feet.

"See what I mean"? Liquid asked. "You just stood there and took it like a new fish in prison". "So I ask you again, how do you fucktards expect to infiltrate the castle of evil, defeat the evil monsters within, and finally capture or kill Birkin"?

Leon raised his hand.

"Yes, imbicile". Liquid said.

"Well we could, um". Leon replied. "We could both just charge through the front door, screaming like a couple of mad fools as we blast everything in sight, thereby taking them by surprise".

"Ok, that's good, but now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard".

"I have an idea, Dr. Liquid". Chris said.

Suddenly Leon mimiked Chris in a high pitched voice.

"Shut up, asshole"! Chris yelled.

"Hey"! Leon replied. "Don't call me an asshole, you fucking asshole"!

"Need I remind you, Leon, that I am rubber and you are glue"? "Anything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you"!

"I have something to bounce off of you"!

Suddenly they both fell to the floor screaming as they grabbed their asses, and a few seconds later Liquid let go of the button.

"If you girls are done kissing". Liquid said as they stopped screaming. "Maybe you would like to find the time to come up with a plan to stop Birkin"?

"I have an idea". Chris said as they got up.

"This ought to be good". "Ok, Chris, what is your idea"?

Chris cleared his throat.

"Ok, here's what we do". He said. "We build a giant wooden rabbit, and at night under the cover of darkness we roll it up to the front gate of Dr. Birkin's castle". "Then me and Leon get into the rabbit and in the morning Dr. Birkin's minions will get all curious and this will cause them to

He was interupted by Liquid smacking him in the mouth.

"You see"? Liquid asked. "Stupidity hurts". "Now, here's the real plan". "Both of you two horse fuckers will infiltrate the castle of evil by using the same stratagy that you used on the evil super robots". "Each of you will enter the castle at a different point, and use stealth as well as eachother's stupidity to make your way into the heart of the castle where a horible death, er, a glorious victory awaits". "Are you ready"?

"But, Dr. Liquid". Leon interupted. "Where are we going in"?

"Oh, that's simple". "Leon will rush at the castle via jumping over one of the side peremeter walls, and then he will climb the tower of terror and face the horrible monster that guards the enterence into the inner castle". "Meanwhile, Chris will sneak over to the castle's moat and dive in like a moron in an effort to locate a secret enterence while avoiding the horrible fish monsters that lurk in the depths". "Any more questions"?

Chris and Leon just stood there with their mouths hanging open.

"Excellent". Liquid continued. "Now you two have fun".

They started to protest, but then Liquid hit the transport button and they instantly vanished.

"Ok, bed time". Liquid said as he walked away.


	12. The Dragon

The sun was just starting to set, and all was quiet until suddenly a sharp musical whistle filled the air, signaling the arrival of Protoman Leon as he flew in.

"Look out, castle of evil"! Leon yelled as he flew toward the ground. "Here I come HOLY SHIT"!

An instant later he slammed right into a field of thorn bushes, and when he finally rolled to a stop, he laid there moaning as he tried to pick the thorns out.

A few minutes later he had pulled the thorns out, and was on his feet with the task of getting out of the bushes without getting stabbed with anymore of thoes god damn pickers.

"Easier said then done"! Leon yelled as he slowly worked his way out of the bushes. "OW, DAMN IT"! "OW"!

A few minutes later he crawled out of the bushes, and cried out with very thorn that he had to pull, but soon he was thorn free, and ready to face the castle of evil. So he turned around, and gasped in horror at what he saw.

The castle was nothing short of terrifying, made of what looked like a mixture of metal and bones, with radar dishes pointed in all directions and a large metal skull with glowing red eyes dominating the center.

"Holy crap"! Leon gasped. "Dr. Liquid, are you seeing this"?

"Yes, I'm seeing this". Liquid replied over the radio. "And it looks just like a moron who is wasting time talking when he should be completing his mission".

"I'm talking about the castle".

"What about it"? "Ain't you never seen an evil lair before"?

"Yes, Dr. Liquid, but how could he build something like this"?

"What do you mean"?

"I mean look at this place". "It's made of metal and bones, with crazy satilights and stuff on it, I mean, how did someone not notice something like this before it was too late"? "Didn't anyone say 'hey that looks like a bad idea' or 'hey what the hell'"?

"Well, it probably got built the same way that Michael Jackson's neverland ranch got built". "Nobody said anything about that before it was too late either". "Now get your gumby ass in gear before I start pushing buttons". "Liquid out".

The radio went dead, and Leon swallowed hard as he started walking toward the peremeter fence that surrounded the castle grounds. It was obvious that Dr. Birkin was watching his approach, meaning that sneaking around was out of the picture.

Then he got an idea.

"I got it". Leon said to himself as he stopped walking. "Maybe if I make him think that I'm not afraid, then he will surrender rather then risk having to face the awesomeness that is Protoman Leon".

He then stuck out his tongue at the castle and then turned around and smacked his ass while laughing at Dr. Birkin.

"So"! Dr. Birkin's voice said over the intercom, making Leon stop. "You aren't afraid, eh, Protoman Leon"? "Well that's good because if you were scared then I wouldn't have to put my castle of evil on full alert"!

Suddenly alarms started going off around the castle, and Leon mentally kicked himself as he began to hear more robots stirring on the other side of the premeter fence. He hoped that they would stay within the peremeter of the castle, giving him time to come up with a plan, but instead three eggs dropped around him.

An instant later the dozens of robot birds had him surrounded, making him scream and run toward the fence as they pecked at his head.

Any idiot can climb a fence, so Leon came up with a plan to leap onto the wall, spiderman his way over it, then run like a scared monkey until he reached the castle. But unfortunatly for Leon, the cruel hand of fate was already waiting for him. The first part of his plan went perfectly as he leaped onto the fence, but what Leon didn't know was that the fence was a leftover from Jurassic Park, so he was greeted with 10,000 volts of electric ass whoopin, which made him scream as he was rocketed backwards.

About 10 minutes later when Leon woke up, he was delighted to discover two things. The first thing was the fact that he was still alive. The second thing was that Dr. Birkin had built his outer security system believing that no one would be stupid enough to actually jump onto a 10,000 volt Raptor fence.

"That's what he get's for underestemating me"! Leon yelled.

Yes, due to Leon's complete inability to spot the dozens of warning signs on the fence, he had recieved it's full fury, which fortunatly for him shorted out the entire outer power grid of the castle, leaving the fence and every last robot in sight completely silent and still.

"Hell fricken yeah"! Leon yelled as he realized what happened.

Now feeling like the ultimate bad ass, Leon took his time as he climbed over the fence, and dropped down to the other side. The robot army that was waiting for him on the other side would normally have made him piss himself by now, but this time he knew for a fact that there was nothing standing in his way.

"Yeah, that's right". He said as he stood in the middle of them. "You dead ass mother fuckers ain't got shit on me". "Sure it was a complete and total accident that ou all got shorted out, but tomorrow's newspaper will say that I defeated all of you single handedly".

He turned and kicked one of them, making the robot fall over, but it also made Leon scream and hold his foot in pain.

"You think that's funny, huh"? Leon asked as he stopped hopping. "Well, let's see how funny you think it is when I'm pounding your mother in the ass"! "So, if you have any objections to me banging the hell out of every female member of your family, and maybe some of the confused male members, speak now".

Suddenly there was an electric humming sound, and a moment later the power grid came back online.

"Primary power restored". The computer said. "You should have ran when you had the chance".

"Now she tells me". Leon whimered as the robots all looked at him.

It only took a second for the shooting and screaming to start as Leon ran toward the castle. The bullets, lasers, and fricken missiles of the robots were hitting the ground just behind him as he ran. Then he reached the wall, and jumped onto a convienient ladder, the robot's weapons destroying the ladder rung by rung just below him as he climbed.

Higher and higher he went, and atleast a full minute passed before he realized that there were no more gunshots behind him. And there was now nothing behind him as he looked back, so he continued on until he reached the top of the ladder, got on top of it, and was about to start running, when he realized that there was nothing there.

He screamed and grabbed the ladder just like he had done with the catwalk in Airman's world, then when he was done sobbing like a sissy he looked up and saw another ladder about a hundred feet away from the one he was on.

It was also about fifty feet higher then the ladder that he was on, and he began to wonder who the hell designed these places.

"Who the hell designs these places"? Leon asked.

It took him a few minutes, but eventually he remembered the hoverboard. So he took it out, stepped on, and it took off in a flash, flying right out from under him. But this time it got caught on his bootlaces. This caused him to scream as he was knocked on his ass, and dragged through the air.

He completely missed the ladder, and continued his loud womanly shrieks as he was spirled up and up and up, until the hoverboard did a sudden nosedive, making Leon stop screaming as he slammed into another walkway.

The momentum caused him to slide across the walkway, right through one of the castle's maintanance doors, and when he stopped he found himself in a very dark room where the only light came from the strange glowing walkway that he was standing on.

Now Leon had seen enough horror and scifi movies to know that this was not a good place, and he was about to turn back, when the door sealed itself. And then a low metalic rumbling sound filled the air.

"Well, looky what I found". A deep voice said from behind him. "Tastey treats".

Leon slowly got to his feet, and when he slowly turned around, his face became white as a ghost as he came face to face with a giant horrible robotic dragon.

"Yum, yum". The dragon continued. "Gimme some".

Leon wasted no time in screaming as he turned tail and ran down the walkway as fast as humanly possible. Unfortunatly the dragon was much faster then Leon, and all it had to do was reach down and pick him up.

"Mmmm". The dragon said. "I like fast food".

"PLEASE DON'T EAT ME"! Leon screamed.

The dragon laughed at this.

"Not only am I going to eat you". It explained. "But then I'm going to throw you back up, and eat you again".

"Dude, that's fucking gross". Leon replied.

The dragon started laughing again, and this time it started jumping up and down on the catwalk. The entire room shook as the dragon vented his excitement at being able to eat a real human for once.

But it's weight eventually caused the catwalk to give out, and it dropped Leon as it fell, ripping it's wings off on the edge of the catwalk as it fell down into the abyss.

It took Leon a second, but he eventually got to his feet, and once he realized that the dragon wasn't coming back, he struck his hero pose.

"HA HA"! He yelled. "It will take more then some oversized robot dragon to scare away the likes of me, for I am Protoman Leon, master of all things awesome"!

He then turned white as a roar came from the depths, and an instant later he took off running down the walkway.


	13. The Moat

As Leon was storming the front gate, Chris was sneaking around the back of the castle of evil, praying that he would encounter no resistance.

So far it was going good.

"Yes". He whispered as he crept along the wall. "The silent shadow known as Megaman Chris moves silently along the wall toward the unsuspecting castle of evil". "Soon his enemies would be on their knees begging for mer

He was interupted as his foot sank into water, and as he pulled it out he noticed that he was now at the edge of the castle's moat.

"Aw, damn it". He grumbled. "Not another stupid water area".

He looked around for another way to go, but there was none. It looked like there had to be a secret door of some kind underwater somewhere, and he hung his head as he realized that he would have to dive in to find it.

So he took a running leap, and executed a perfect swan dive into the water, only to recieve a hard smack to the head as it struck the concrete below. This made him come back up gagging and choking, before noticing the sign on the wall that read:

Shallow water, no diving.

So after a quick check to make sure that he was still alone, he spotted a door on the wall about 30 feet away, where the water seemed to get deeper. It was the only obvious way to go, so Chris trudged his way across the moat, ending up in waist deep water by the time he reached the door.

But the door was locked.

"DAMN IT TO HELL"! He screamed as he started splashing the water around. "DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT"!

"What's his problem"? A voice asked from behind him.

Chris quickly turned around, and saw that a beautiful redhead had appeared in the water behind him along with a red crab and a large yellow fish.

"Well, hello". He said as he slicked his hair back. "And who might you be"?

"I'm Arial". She replied. "And these are my friends, Sebastian and Flounder".

"The fuck are you doing in our moat"?! Sebastian demanded.

Chris was about to answer, when he noticed the key hanging around Arial's neck.

"I need that key"! He yelled.

"Oh, that's great". Flounder said. "First he comes charging into our moat like a retard, and now he wants the key".

"Well". Arial said. "We could make a deal with him".

"Awesome, I love deals".

"Ok". Sebastian said. "I say that we kill this asshole, and keep the key".

"Sounds like a good deal to me". Arial replied.

"What"?! Chris yelled.

"Hold on a second". Flounder said. "That's not a good deal".

"Why not"?

"Because there is no upside for him".

"Oh, right". Sebastian said. "There's gotta be an upside".

"Alright". Arial replied. "Then how about we just maim him"? "Then we let him hold the key for 5 minutes, and take it back"?

"And then we kill him"! "Good deal"!

"Yeah". Flounder said. "I bet he'll go for that". "He has a stupid face".

"I have a better idea". Chris replied as he pulled out his metal blade gun. "How about I kill you two talking side dishes, sodomise the shit out of the redhead, and take the key for myself"?

Arial responded to this by giving him a quick left to the jaw, and shoving his head underwater. This caused him to drop his metal blade gun. He thrashed around for a few seconds, before she pulled him back up, punched him again, and shoved him back under.

"Can you guys believe this asshole"? She asked as she pulled him up. "Here we are trying to make an honest deal with him, and he has the balls to make threats". "Well, I'm gonna show him what we do to cock holsters like him around here".

She punched him in the balls, held him underwater for a few more seconds, and then tossed him to Flounder and Sebastian.

"Let's kill this mother fucker"! Sebastian yelled.

"No, wait"! Chris screamed. "All I wanted to do is open that door"!

They all stopped for a second.

"Well why the fuck didn't you just say so"? Arial asked. "Damn, you really need to speak up more".

Flounder and Sebastian released him, and he followed Arial over to the door. A second later she unlocked it.

"There you go". She said. "Don't stand too close".

"What"? He asked as they swam away.

He pondered this for a second, before shrugging, and pushing the button to open the door.

Sweet, he thought as it started to open. I'm on my way into the castle of evil, and I'm pretty sure that a certain little mermaid wants my nu

He was interupted as the door sprang open, and a massive sucksion pulled the water inside, Chris screaming all the way as he found himself on what appeared to be a giant water slide.

For several minutes he was twirled around, losing his lunch twice before coming to a sudden stop in a large pool of dark water.

He quickly fought his way to the surface, and then he noticed the sign. It read:

Castle of evil raw sewage processing center.

"Aw, man". He groaned as he held his nose. "Wait a second... where's my gun"?

Suddenly the blade gun shot out of the pipe, and he screamed as it cracked him in the back of the head.

"There it is". He said as he put it back in the holster.

It took him awhile, but eventually he reached the edge of the pool, and pulled himself out. Then he started walking, only to find another door with a keyhole.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME"?! He screamed.

Suddenly there was a swooshing sound, and his legs were knocked out from under him. Then he looked up just in time to see a boomerang fly back into the hand of one of the three robots which were now guarding the door.

"Oh, god damn it". Chris grumbled as he got to his feet.

"You'll never beat us"! One of the robots yelled. "Because we got BOOMERANGS"!

"Yeah"! The second one said. "You don't got a chance, because the best thing about boomerangs is that when you throw it, it comes right back to you"!

"It's true"! The third one yelled. "So take this"!

They began tossing their boomerangs, and Chris screamed as they hit him in the arms and legs, chest and head, pretty much everywhere as he fell to the ground.

"Yeah"! The first one yelled as they all caught their boomerangs. "What do you think of that, you sissy little piece of monkey shit"?

Suddenly Chris's radio came to life.

"What the hell is wrong with you"? Liquid asked.

"These robots are throwing fucking boomerangs at me"! He yelled.

"Oh, boo hoo, hoo". "These robots are throwing fucking boomerangs at me, my titties hurt, I'm a young lady". "Grow a pair, Chris"!

The radio went dead, and Chris screamed again as the boomerangs struck him over and over.

"Hey, lads". The second robot said as they caught them. "This is gettin boring".

"Yeah". The third one said. "This knob slobbing little prison bitch won't even fight back".

"Hey, I know". The first one said. "Let's give him to the creature"!

"The what"? Chris asked.

The other robots nodded in agreement, then they grabbed Chris, and dragged him to the door while the first one opened it.

"In you go". They said.

"No, wait a second"! Chris yelled. "I'm not sure I want

Suddenly they booted him, and as the door closed behind him, he found that he was inside of a massive garage of some kind.

He was also not alone.

"Fe-fi-fo-fumuther". A deep voice said. "I smell the blood of a bitch ass mother fucker".

Chris turned white as the machine rolled into the light. It stood atleast 15 feet tall, moved on tracks, and had a massive head with a large cannon built in.

Then it fired, and Chris screamed as he dove behind a destroyed part of the wall, screaming and crying as the blasts continued.

"Hey". It said as the blasts stopped. "No fair, you're in the one part of the room where I can't get you".

"Not fair"? Chris asked. "You've got a giant cannon that blasts out firey death"!

"Oh, yeah, it's just great". "Try hearing the other robots tease you about having a giant pocket pussy on your head for the first three years of your life".

Chris sighed.

"Look". He said. "I just want to get to Dr. Birkin so that I can go home".

"Home"? It asked. "I don't have a home".

"Sometimes it feels like that for me, too".

"Wow, it looks like we have alot in common".

(3 minutes later)

"And that was the end of my second marrage". The machine continued. "She took all my kids".

"Man, that sucks". Chris replied.

(3 minutes later)

"She just kept going on and on". Chris explained. "She said I didn't know how to committ".

"Sounds like you're better off". It replied.

(3 minutes later)

"And that was my first relationship with a human". It said. "The sex was incredible".

"Dude". Chris replied. "That's fucking weird".

"You think that's weird"? "You should see what she could do with her earlobe".

(3 minutes later)

"My creator beat me... a lot". Chris sobbed. "Every day... at exactly 2:45 in the afternoon".

"It's not your fault, Chris". It replied.

"Shut up, man". "Just... just shut up".

(3 minutes later)

"It's not your fault, man". Chris said. "All you did was sneeze".

"Shut up, man". It sobbed. "Just... just... shut up".

"She would want you to move on".

"No she wouldn't". "She said if she died, that I should never date again". "Hey, Chris"?

"Yeah"?

"Chris... I want you to kill me so that I can be with my dead girlfriend".

"No way". "I can't kill you".

"Sure you can". "Just shoot me with your blade gun so that it shops my head off".

Chris slowly came out of hiding, and aimed his gun.

"I can't do it"! He yelled.

"Come on, Chris". "Or was Rebecca right when she said you couldn't committ"?

Chris then pulled the trigger, and the machine's head fell off as a door in the back of the garage slid open. He then wasted no time running through it.

"Damn, that was weird". He said as he holstered his blade gun.


	14. The Bricks

After walking for several minutes, Leon found himself entering a very large chamber with giant fans embedded into the walls, and except for the whirling of the fan blades, there was no sound at all.

"Looks safe to me". He said as he began walking again. "Nope, no enemies here, and that's good for them, because if any evil robot was stupid enough to challenge the awesome might of Protoman Leon, I would have to take

Suddenly something struck him from behind, making him eat the floor. And when he looked up, there were several dozen Prop Top robots looking back at him.

"Oh, shit". Leon whispered.

He was completely surrounded.

"I didn't catch all that". One of them said. "If any of us were stupid enough to challenge you, you would have to take what, now"?

"Um". Leon replied. "I would have to take... um... the bus to get home, yeah, that's it". "I would have to take the bus home, or else I could just RUN"!

He jumped to his feet and took off running as the Prop Tops chased after him. For a moment it looked like he was going to get away, but then he came to a screeching halt as the floor stopped, and all that lay before him was a pit of spikes that stretched into the distance as far as his eyes could see.

"Oh, come on"! He yelled. "I mean, seriously, what the fuck is this"?!

"It's the end of the line". The Prop Top replied. "That's what the fuck it is".

Leon was sweating bullets, trapped between a few dozen Prop Tops and a pit of spikes, it seemed like there was nowhere to run. So tune in next time, same Leon time, same Leon channel, to see if he

"Hold the fuck on"! Leon yelled. "I'm not waiting untill next time, because these fuckers are about to kill me"! "Why don't you do something useful for a change, and narrate me a way out of this"?

You just never learn, do you, Leon? So, check this out. Before Leon had any time to think, the closest Prop Top flew forward, and punched him in the stomach, making Leon scream like a sissy girl as he fell over the edge, toward a horrible pointy death.

"I'M SORRY"! Leon screamed as he fell. "I'LL NEVER ARGUE WITH THE NARRATOR AGAIN"!

That's better, ahem, but at the last second Leon remembered about his jet ski. He unfolded it as fast as he could, activating it just before he hit the spikes.

"Ha, ha, fuckers"! Leon yelled as he flew across the pit. "That's what you get for messing with Protoman Leon"! "And as soon as I deal with Dr. Birkin, I'm gonna pound your mothers in the ass"!

He continued laughing as he faced forward, but then his laughter turned into a scream as he collided with a person flying the other way on a broom.

They both screamed as they went down, and Leon blacked out when he hit the ground just beyond the spike pit, waking up to see that the other person was dead, impailed on her own broom.

"Oh, gross". Leon said as he got up. "Well... sorry about that".

He put the jet ski away, and was about to leave, when there was a small explosion in front of him. This made him scream and fall on his ass, and when the smoke cleared there was a green skinned woman in black standing there. Leon got to his feet as she looked at the dead woman, and then she grabbed him by the collar.

"Who killed my sister"? She asked. "Who killed the witch of the east"? "WAS IT YOU"?!

"It was an accident"! He quickly replied. "I didn't mean to kill anyone"!

"Is that so"? "Well, my dear, I can cause accidents, too". "Kind of like this".

She gave him a hard right to the stomach, then she twisted his arm behind his back, and put him in a headlock.

"It wasn't very nice to kill my sister". She said. "I should kill your dumpy looking ass right here, but maybe you can find some way of making it up to me, hmm"?

She then licked the side of his face.

"Ewwww"! He said as he tried to get away.

"Have you ever been with a green woman before"? She asked.

"Um... no".

"You're about to". "HAHAHAHAHAHA"!

She then kicked his legs out from under him, and Leon started screaming as she dove on top of him.

(5 minutes later)

Leon was crying in a fetal position as the witch put her hat back on.

"Was it good for you"? She asked.

"No". He sobbed.

"Good"! "That means that you will always remember me, and the nightmares will haunt you forever"!

She laughed hysterrically as she vanished in another explosion, and Leon kept crying as he turned on his radio.

"What do you want"? Liquid's voice asked.

"Dr. Liquid". He sobbed. "I just got raped by the witch of the west".

He had to move his head away from the reciever because of the loud laughter that followed.

"It figures that you would pick the ugly sister". Liquid said as he stopped laughing. "The witch of the east looks just like Jessica Alba, and man can she suck a mean dick".

"I killed her"! Leon sobbed. "We crashed in the air, and her horrible sister sexually assaulted me because of it"!

"Really"? "I thought they hated eachother". "Hmm, maybe she just wanted an excuse to molest you". "But you know what sucks the most for you"?

"What"?

"Every time that you close your eyes from now on, you will see flashbacks of her". "Don't believe me"? "Try it real quick".

Leon hesitated for a second, then he closed his eyes, and screamed as he saw the witch licking the side of his face.

Liquid laughed for a second before the radio went dead, and Leon kept screaming as he took off running down the next hallway. not even paying attention to how far he had gone, or where he was.

But then the ground ended, and he fell down a short flight of stairs.

"OW"! He screamed as he hit the floor. "I DID NOT NEED THAT TO HAPPEN"!

After a minute or two he was able to get to his feet, but then something slammed into his forehead, putting him back down.

"GOD DAMN IT"! Leon screamed as he held his head.

Once the pain went away,he looked on the ground and saw that there was a brick laying next to him. So he reached for it, but screamed as another brick hit his hand, and another one hit his leg.

Soon he was in the fetal position as dozens of bricks flew at him from all directions, but then they suddenly stopped, and the whole room went black before a spotlight shined down on Leon.

"Congratulations". A voice said. "You survived the qualifiying round".

"What"? Leon whimpered.

"That's right, and now you move on to the question and answer round, where we ask you 5 simple questions, and if you answer correctly you get to go free". "But each time you are wrong we get to beat you with a dozen bricks".

"So, all I gotta do is answer some questions and I go free"?

"That's right, but be warned that if you don't get any of them correct by the time all the questions are over, we get to cut your dick off with a fricken cheese grater".

"Well, that sucks".

"SO LET'S BEGIN"!

An unseen crowd cheered, and a drumroll played for a second, but then all was quiet.

"Question number one". The voice said. "You stop by your best friend's house after work, but instead of finding him, the whole place smells like a whiskey still, and his 16 year old sister is passed out drunk and naked on the couch". "Do you A) Put a blanket over her like a gentilman, B) Snap a few pics with your camera phone, or C) stick it in her ass"?

Leon thought for a second.

This was obviously a game designed by an evil perverted scientist, so the most immoral answer should be correct.

"I choose C". Leon said.

"Wrong"! The voice yelled. "The correct answer was B, because you can use the pics later to blackmail her into sex whenever you want". "So now you must pay the peanlty".

Leon screamed as the bricks flew at him for a few minutes, but then they stopped.

"Qustion number two". The voice continued. "You are stuck inside of an early 90's slasher film, and you and a girl are being chased by the killer". "Do you A) Sacrifice yourself to save her, B) Sacrifice her to save yourself, or C) Kill the killer with an elaborate trap and escape with the girl"?

"Uh... C"? Leon asked.

"Wrong"! "In early 90's slasher films, elaborate traps never work, but you can always find another girlfriend". "Time for the peanlty".

The bricks came again.

Question three". The voice said. "You are on an expidition into the wild, and you end up violating the laws of an ancient civilization, which means that you have to marry the ugliest most horrifying woman in the tribe". "Do you A) Accept your punishment, B) Run like a scared chicken, or C) Attempt to sieze power by killing the chief"?

"Um... B"?

"Wrong"! "The correct answer was A, because you can always kill her in her sleep, and slip away under the cover of darkness". "Think about this while you pay the peanlty".

The bricks came again.

"No more"! Leon screamed they stopped.

"Question four". The voice said. "Which is the greatest crime against humanity"? "A) The fugitive, B) Being John Malkivich, or C) Runaway Jury"?

"C"! Leon yelled.

"Wrong"! "There is no greater crime against humanity then being John Malkovich". "Peanlty"!

"NO"! "PLEASE, GOD NO"!

The bricks came again, and Leon was crying again when they stopped.

"Final question". The voice said. "The enemy of the great Dr. Birkin, Dr. Liquid, likes his women like he likes his what"?

"Oh, I know this one"! Leon yelled excitedly. "He likes his women like he likes his Jack Daniels, 15 years old and mixed up with coke"!

A trumpet fanfare sounded, and the voice faded away as the lights in the room came back on. And now there was a ladder on the wall that Leon had not noticed before.

"Sweet"! He said as he pulled himself to his feet.

He then hobbled over to the ladder, and groaned as he began to climb.


	15. Deeper Into The Castle

After leaving the garage behind, Chris found himself in a silent chamber where a long ladder led upward past where he could see.

"Aw, man". Chris whined as he turned on the radio. "Dr. Liquid, there's another ladder, and I'm sick of them".

"Yes, that's the point". Liquid replied. "These ridiculiously long ladders are meant to discourage sissy little bastards like yourself".

"But isn't there any other way"?

"Quit stalling, and get your ass up the fucking ladder right the hell now, or else I'm gonna sodimise the living shit out of Claire".

"You're gonna do that anyway".

"Don't bother me with details, bitch". "Just get your ass moving". "Christ, what the hell am I paying you for"?

"But, you're not paying me".

"WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY ABOUT DETAILS"?!

The radio went dead, and Chris grumbled as he started to climb.

It felt like hours past, but still he climbed up, and up, and up. Until at last he reached a ledge.

"Oh, thank god". He said as he stepped off the ladder. "No more ladder".

After catching his breath, Chris started walking down the narrow pathway, but suddenly his foot went right through the floor as if there was nothing there. And then he screamed as the rest of his body followed, making him fall on his face in a hidden chamber.

"Get off me"! A voice yelled from underneath him.

Chris was suddenly tossed into the wall, and when he looked up, there was a small man standing before him.

"Why did you attack me"? He asked. "Do you want to get fucked up"?

"I didn't mean it"! Chris quickly yelled. "I fell through the nonexsistant floor"! "Who are you anyway"?

The small man smiled.

"I am Sam". He said. "Sam I Am". "And I deal in green eggs and ham". "Would you like some"?

Chris looked at the rotting and moldy, salmenela infested plate of food behind him.

"Uh, no thanks, Sam I am". He said. "I don't think I like green eggs and ham".

"I see". Sam I Am replied. "Would you like them in a house, would you like them with a mouse"?

Suddenly there were some lound stomping sounds, and then Chris gasped as Kimbo Slice walked in wearing a mickey mouse hat.

"SQUEAK"! Kimbo screamed as he foamed at the mouth. "SQUEAK, I TELL YOU, SQUEAK"!

"Or, would you like them in a box"? Sam I Am asked. "Would you like them with a fox"?

"They scream when I cut them". Grey Fox said as he walked in. "But then they stop... kind of like this".

He pulled out a cardboard cutout of Chris, and proceeded to shred it.

"Um". Chris said. "I think I'm just gonna go".

Sam I Am snapped his fingers, then Chris gasped as Kimbo and Fox grabbed him.

"Some people are so fucking rude". Sam I Am said. "I go through all the trouble of making this shit, and you won't even try them". "Can you believe this guy"?

"What a dick". Fox said.

"SQUEAK"! Kimbo screamed.

Kimbo then held his arms, while Fox grabbed a handful of green eggs and forced them down Chris's throat. This made him gag ans choke.

"You see"? Sam I Am asked. "Good, huh"? "Give him some more"!

"NO"! Chris screamed as Fox grabbed more. "PLEASE, NO MORE"!

Yes, more. More, and more, and more, as Fox shoved handfull after handfull of rotting nasty green food down Chris's throat until the entire plate was empty. By this time Chris's face was green, and he was crying like a sissy man.

"There, was that so hard"? Sam I Am asked. "Now kill him, and let's get out of here".

"WHAT"?! Chris yelled.

Grey Fox raised his sword, and lunged, but Chris shrieked and moved sideways at the last second, making the sword ran all the way through Kimbo's stomach. This also caused the big man to lose his grip on Chris.

"SQUEAK"! Kimbo yelled as he collapsed onto Grey Fox, crushing him flat.

"Well, that sucks". Sam I Am said. "So I guess I'll have to take care of you myself".

Realising that Sam I Am was only about half his size, Chris was suddenly filled with confidence.

"You think so, huh"? Chris asked. "Well, how about I just step on you, and we call it a day"?

He took a step forward, but then Sam I Am reached under his hat, and pulled out a cattle-prod.

"Aw, crap". Chris said.

Sam I Am quickly struck him in the leg, making sparks fly as Chris fell to the floor. The room was then filled with bright flashes, along with Chris's womanly screams, as Sam I Am hit him with the cattle-prod again and again.

All seemed lost, but then there was another womanly scream as Leon fell through the false floor, and landed right on top of Sam I Am, breaking the little man's neck.

"What the hell"? Leon asked as he sat up. "Where am I"?

"Leon"! Chris yelled. "You saved me"!

"I did"? "I mean, of course I did". "I saw that you were in danger, and I came swooping in to save the day, in only the truest of Protoman Leon styles". "Who was that guy, anyway"?

"I think he was a cook or something". "And not a very good one".

"And who were the other guys"?

Chris jumped to his feet, and struck his hero pose.

"Thoes were his henchmen". Chris declaired. "I easily despatched them with my kung fu, but then Sam I Am blindsided me, and you know the rest".

Leon jumped to his feet, and also struck his hero pose.

"Yes". He said. "Because we are the invincible team of Megaman Chris and Protoman Leon, sworn protectors of all things good and decent".

"Quite possibly the most powerful men in history". Chris added.

Suddenly the radio beeped.

"Will you two dumbfucks just shut the hell up?! Liquid yelled. "Neither one of you is worth a damn in anything you try to do". "The only reason that you are still alive is because you are too stupid to die when normal people would". "Now you can either continue on wth your mission, or you can commit suicide, but for the love of god, STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT HOW COOL YOU ARE..... NOT"!

The radio went dead, and they just stood there for a minute before starting down the hallway that Kimbo Slice had come from. Navigating the twisting path like true explorers, they quickly homed in on their unsuspecting target.

"Do you have any idea where we're going"? Chris asked as they walked.

"Oh course". Leon replied. "We are going this way".

"Damn, you're really on point today".

"Yeah, it's a talent". "I could find my way through here with my eyes closed".

Then Leon screamed as he hit his head on a low piece of the cieling.

"I did not need that to happen"! He yelled as he fell against another section of the wall.

But as soon as he touched it, the floor opened up underneath them, making them scream as they fell into another chamber. An instant later the cieling closed, and as they got to their feet, they were targeted by what looked like a bunch of laser pointers.

"Uh". Leon said as he looked at them. "What's going on here"?

Suddenly evil laughter filled the room, causing them to jump into eachother's arms.

"Welcome, dipshits". Dr. Birkin's voice echoed. "You may have gotten past my outer peremeter, but you go no further".

"Oh yeah"? Chris asked. "Says who"?

"Says the twenty automated machinegun turrets that are pointed at you, that's who, you little cock clown". "Now it's time to face the music... a one, and a two, and a...

Suddenly the turrets opened fire, making Chris and Leon scream as they ran around the room. They ducked and dodged, and pissed themselves as they desperatly tried to avoid the deadly bullets. This went on for several minutes, until they stopped when they realised that the guns were no longer firing.

And when they looked around the room, they realised that not only had the turrets destroyed eachother, but that a way out had been blasted into the wall.

"Now, how the hell did that happen"? Chris asked.

"We must have outsmarted them". Leon replied. "We brilliantly defeated our enemies, and made an escape route at the same time".

"My god, you're right". "And if we did all that without realising it, just imagine what we could do if we actually had a plan".

"The plan will have to wait". "We have a mission to accomplish".

Without wasting any valuable time coming up with a plan, they rushed out of the chamber, and found themselves in a large room that seemed to be dominated by one very large computer system.

"Where the hell are we, now"? Chris asked as he looked up at the sign.

It read:

DR. BIRKIN TELEPORTATION SYSTEM.


	16. Teleportation

Aside from the sign and the large computer system which covered most of the room, the only things that Chris and Leon could find were two pods that looked kind of like transparent phone booths.

"What do you think these things are"? Chris asked.

"I don't know". Leon replied. "But something tells me that we should go over to the control panals and start mashing buttons like a 10 year old playing street fighter 2 untill something happens".

"I don't know, Leon". "Remember what happened last time we found a cool looking control panal"?

(FLASHBACK)

There was a spark of light, and the old bunker door screeched open, allowing Chris, Liquid, and Leon to enter the room.

"What is this place"? "Leon asked.

"Some old labratory or something". Liquid replied. "The scientist who used to work here was proably working on some super secret stuff that could change the world, and do you know what that means"?

"Grab anything that looks valuable, and get out before anyone comes snooping around"? Leon asked.

"Very good, Leon". "Chris, right now Leon is better then you".

"Hey, look"! Chris exclaimed as he walked up to a control panal. "I think this still works".

He pushed a few buttons, and a yellow light surrounded Liquid.

"What the fuck"? Liquid asked as he tried to move. "I'm trapped"!

"I'll get you out of there, Dr. Liquid". Leon said as he walked up to the control panal.

"Don't do anything". " Just go and get Claire".

But it was too late. Leon hit some buttons, and the rest of the computers came to life.

"Transmogrification sequence activated". The computer said. "Please select desired form".

"Transmogrifi-what"? Liquid asked.

"Don't worry, Dr. Liquid". Chris said. "We'll get you out".

"No, now listen to me". "Do nothing... touch nothing... just go and get Claire".

"We know what we're doing". Leon replied. "You don't need some overrated sex-bot to save you, Dr. Liquid". "You have the unstoppable team of Megaman Chris and Protoman Leon here to save the day".

They hit some more buttons, and an alarm sounded.

"Form selected". The computer said. "Transmogrification in 10 seconds".

Chris and Leon slowly looked back at Liquid.

"Maybe we should get Claire". Leon said.

"YOU STUPID COCK SUCKERS"! Liquid screamed. "YOU BETTER GET ME OUTA HERE OR I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BALLS UP INTO YOUR MOUTH"! "AND THEN I'M GONNA

Suddenly he froze, and everything went white for a few seconds.

"Transmogrification sequence completed". The computer said.

And when the light faded, there was a chicken where Liquid had been standing a few seconds before.

"Aw, crap". Chris said.

"What the hell is going on in here"? Claire asked as she walked in.

"He turned Dr. Liquid into a chicken". Chris and Leon said as they pointed at eachother.

Claire looked down at the chicken, and started laughing.

"Oh, Dr. Liquid"? She laughed. "Buk, buk, buk, buk"?

She then threw her head back and laughed harder.

"The question is, can we change him back"? Chris asked.

"The question is". Claire replied. "Do we want to"?

"I sure don't". Leon said as he leaned on the controls.

"Recall sequence activated". The computer said.

There was another flash of light, and when it faded, Liquid was back.

"Damn it". They grumbled.

A second later the yellow forcefield was gone, and Liquid stepped out.

"What was it like being a chicken"? Claire asked.

"Well, you seen the size of an egg"? Liquid asked. "And you seen the size of a chicken's ass"? "I was trying to say in chicken talk: For God's sake give me an epideral".

"I guess everything's good here". Chris said. "Let's go home".

He and Leon started to walk away, but Liquid grabbed them by the ear.

"Not so fast". Liquid said. "You two dick smackers turned me into a chicken, and now you're going to pay the price".

He pushed them to where he had ben standing, and hit the button which activated the forcefield.

"And now". Liquid continued. "How would you two like to become a pair of five-ass baboons"?

(FLASHFORWARD)

"Ok, so the panal's out". Leon said. "What do you think we should do"?

Suddenly the radio beeped.

"Why are you two dumbfucks just standing there"? Liquid asked.

"We're not sure what to do, Dr. Liquid". Chris replied.

Liquid thought for a second.

"You should split up". He said.

"Why would we do that"? Leon asked.

"Because it's the surest way to get yourself kill, er, I mean, because no one would ever see it coming". "Think about it, only a complete stupid fuck would split up at a time like this, so it's the perfect plan". "Ready, go".

The radio went dead, and they just stood there for a second.

"Well". Leon said. "He has a point".

"Then let's do it". Chris replied.

Hero music started playing as they struck their hero poses.

"Ass kicking in 3". They said. "2... 1".

They then did their greatest kung fu screams as they each dove into one of the transparent booths...

And vanished.


	17. The Robot Clones

Everything went black as they entered the chambers, but an instant later it all came back as they fell on theit faces.

"What happened"? Chris asked.

"I think we were teleported". Leon replied.

"But to where"?

Suddenly they were lifted to their feet, and were now face to face with several large robots in police uniforms.

"What the hell"? Leon asked.

Suddenly one of the guard bots struck him in the stomach with his baton, making him fall to his hands and knees.

"No fucking talking"! The guard bot yelled. "Now get on your feet"!

Leon got up, and the rest of the guard bots begn shuffling them down a long hallway.

"Let me be the first to welcome you to Oz". The guard bot continued. "That's the name on the strees for the Oswald maximum security robot penitentary". "While you are here you will be subjected to the worst forms of degredation and humiliation that you have everimagined". "You will be beaten, raped, sodomised, sold for cigerettes, tattooed on your ass, tortured, horsewhipped, and shived". "But that's nothing compared to what the other prisoners will do to you".

"Who does the first stuff"? Chris asked.

The guard bot cracked him in the face with the baton.

"NO FUCKING TALKING"! The guard bot screamed. "You are about to be tossed into a confined area with the most bloodthirsty, psycotic, nazi, black panther, gangster, cannibal, ass raping, bastard on the planet". "And when you are done in the warden's office, you will meet the other prisoners".

"The warden is not in today". Another guard bot replied.

"Oh... well in that case, let's get these fucks to Em City".

Chris and Leon were pushed down another hallway, toward a large door, and when they got to it, one of the guard bots unlocked it.

"Welcome to your new home". The guard bot said as he pushed them.

They stumbled through the door, and screamed as they fell over the railing. Then the door slammed shut as they fell onto a tv, shattering it.

"Oh, hell no". A voice said. "You did not just interupt an episode of Ms. Sally's Schoolyard".

It took them a second, but Chris and Leon manajed to sit up, bringing them face to face with eight very fimiliar, and very angry robots. That's right, they were looking at exact replicas of the 8 super robots that they had recently defeated.

"Uh... hi". Chris said as he and Leon stood up.

The super robots quickly formed into two groups. One consisting of Metalman, Heatman, Crashman, and Quickman. While the other group consisted of Bubbleman, Flashman, Woodman, and Airman.

"This is not good". Leon said.

Bubbleman and Metalman walked toward eachother, and began talking in hushed voices while occasionaly pointing at Chris and Leon. Then after a minute or two, they went back to ther groups.

"What's going on"? Chris whispered.

"Maybe they're gonna let us go". Leon replied.

Suddenly Metalman's group ran up and grabbed Chris, while Bubbleman's group grabbed Leon.

"You're on the wrong side of town, boy". Metalman said. "You ever been branded before"?

Chris's eyes widened as Metalman held up a red hot branding iron that was shaped like a happy face. Then he screamed as the super robots dragged him into a cell.

As for Leon, Bubbleman's group lifted him up, and carried him into the laundry room, where they tossed him down on the floor.

"My brothers". Bubbleman said. "Ala tells us to spread peace to all, and to never try to solve our problems with violence".

"Oh, thank God". Leon replied.

"But today Ala is very angry because the tv was smashed by this infidel fuck". "So he now tells us to act as his rightious arm, and to beat the living piss out of this asshole".

Suddenly Airman punched him in the jaw, and Flashman opened one of the washers while Woodman shoved him in. Then they closed the door, and started the machine.

For a few minutes they just stood around, but then Bubbleman opened the door, and a soaking wet Leon fell out onto the floor.

"This just won't do". Bubbleman said. "Dry him off".

Leon was just starting to get up, when Airman's fan came to life, and he was sent flying right through the plexiglass wall.

"Much better". Bubbleman said. "Now let's get back to it".

They hurried out of the laundry room, and lifted Leon up, only to slam him right through a table.

"Enough, my brothers". Bubbleman said. "It is time for this infidel fuck to recieve the word of Ala".

The other super robots nodded, and they all took out their Korans.

"Oh, thank God". Leon said. "No more".

The super robots they raised their Korans abov their heads, and Leon screamed as they began beating him with them.

"You see, my brothers"? Bubbleman asked. "The infidel cowers in fear before the word of Ala".

The beating was about to resume, but suddenly the lockdown alarm went off, and instantly the guard bots started forcing them back into their cells. But then Woodman struck a guard bot, making the one holding Leon lose his balance. This was just enough for Leon to get free and take off running.

A second later Chris slipped out of the cell just before the door closed, allowing them both to run back up the stairs, and out the Em City door.

The guard bots were only a few seconds behind as Chris and Leon ran back toward the teleporters, but somehow they made it just before the guard bots had them, and everything went dark for a second before they found themselves falling on their faces inside the teleporter room.

"That was the worst thing to ever happen". Leon said. "....Ever".

"Atleast you don't have a happy face burned into your ass". Chris replied as they sat up.

"Chris... are you wearing lipstick"?

Chris quickly wiped his mouth.

"Of course not". He replied. "That would be really gay".

"Right". Leon said.

"So, what do we do now"?

They looked around the room for a second.

"Hey". Chris said. "Where did that come from"?

Leon looked and saw that there was now a third teleporter booth.

"Something tells me that we are supposed to go in there". Chris said.

"Then let's get it over with". Leon replied as he stood up. "We just broke out of a maximum security prison, and that means that we can handle anything".

Chris jumped up.

"My God, you're right". "So let's go kick some ass"!

They struck a quick hero pose, and vanished into the third teleporter.


	18. Evil Doctor's Robot

After once again being thrown on their faces, Chris and Leon found themselves in a room that was pitch black.

"Where are we"? Leon asked as they stood up.

"I don't know". Chris replied. "Man, I wish we had some light".

Instantly the lights came on, revealing that they were in a massive warehouse.

"Man". Chris continued. "I wish we had some asian hookers".

But nothing happened.

"Well". Chris said. "It was worth a shot".

Suddenly a voice over a loudspeaker made them jump.

"Well, well, well". Birkin's voice said. "If it isn't Megaman Chris and Protoman Leon, also known as Neil and Bob... oh, wait, that's just what you do in your spare time".

Birkin's insane laughter filled the room.

"You are such an asshole, Birkin"! Leon yelled. "Why don't you just come out so that we can kick your ass"?

"Yeah"! Chris yelled. "You big... stupid head"!

"Stupid head"?

"It's all I could think of".

Birkin's laughter stopped, and a second later a gigantic door at the back of the warehouse began to open.

"You bitches want me to show myself, huh"? Birkin's voice said. "Ok, here I come"!

The door finished opening, and the metal behemoth steped into the light.

It walked on two legs, had a head shaped like a beak, and a large rail cannon was mounted on it's right arm.

"I present to you". Birkin's voice said. "Metal Gear Rex". "NOW DIE"!

Rex's gatling guns opened fire, and they screamed as they dove behind a large metal crate.

"What do we do now"? Chris asked.

"I don't know". Leon replied. "If only there was someone who could help us".

"Someone like me"? A man with a stinger launcher said as he came into view.

"SOLID SNAKE"! Leon and Chris screamed.

"That's right, boys". Snake replied. "And if you'll excuse me, I have a Metal Gear to

He was interupted by Rex's foot coming down, crushing him flat.

"Aw, crap". Chris said. "Now who will save us"?

As if on cue, a robotic looking man came into view.

"I am Ironman"! He declaired as he looked at Rex. "Now back the fuck down, because there's only room for one badass in this town, and that is

He was interupted by Rex's foot coming down, crushing him flat.

"Don't make me angry". Another man said as he came into view. "There are aspects of my personality that I cannot control". "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry".

He screamed as his skin turned green, but then Rex's foot came down, crushing him flat.

"Is that really all you got"? Birkin's voice asked. "Good, then prepare to be flattened"!

Chris and Leon screamed as the foot raised above them, but then it stopped as Rex's engine died.

"Aw, shit"! Birkin yelled. "The batteries are dead"! "I should have used Duracell"!

There was then a creaking sound as Rex lost it's balance, and fell over sideways.

Chris and Leon just stood there for a second, then started laughing.

"HA HA HA"! They laughed as they pointed to the fallen robot. "You thought you could outwit the super unstoppable duo of Megaman Chris and Protoman Leon"? "Well, you were WRONG"!

"Yeah"! Chris continued. "Now come out of there so that we can kick your ass"!

The hatch slowly opened, and Birkin sumbled out.

"There you are". Leon said. "Now we are going to do to you what those robots in oz did to us".

"Wait a second". Chris replied. "Do we have to"? "Because that's kind of weird".

"What do you mean"? "What's so weird about kicking his ass"?

Chris stood there for a second.

"Oh, right". He suddenly said. "Because getting our asses kicked is the only thing that happened to us there". "Yep, nothing else happened at all".

"Whatever". Leon replied. "Let's just get him.... hey, where did he go"?

They looked around, but Dr. Birkin was gone. Then the teleporter booth shut down, and the rear door closed.

"Wow". Chris said. "This almost seems like a trap".

Then the floor opened underneath them, making them both scream as they fell into the abyss.


	19. Underground

Keeping with the traditions of heros throughout history, Chris and Leon remained calm as they fell for untold minutes, calculating the best way to survive this extreme situation.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE"! Leon screamed.

"Wait, I got an idea"! Chris yelled. "Flap your arms like a bird, and blow downwards as hard as you can"!

"That's the craziest shit I ever heard"!

"Suit yourself"!

Chris started flaping his arms, and blowing downwards as hard as he could. But the only thing that this changed was that he was tired when they struck the downward slope, and started rolling down a rocky hill.

Rolling down the hill seemed to take even longer then the fall, as they slammed into smal rocks, and tumbled over eachother before striking the ground at last.

"That was horrible". Chris moaned.

"I think I broke my everything". Leon replied.

They tried to get up a few times, but eventualy gave up.

"Hey, Leon". Chris said. "Can you move"?

"No". Leon moaned. "How about we take a five minute break"?

Suddenly the radio beeped.

"What the fuck are you dumbasses doing"? Liquid asked.

"Taking a five minute break". Chris replied.

"And just who the fuck said that you could take a break"? "Did you two dick smackers forget that the fate of the world is at stake"?

"But, we can't move". Leon moaned.

"Oh, so you're gonna let a little disability stop you from accomplishing your goals, huh"? "What about Bobby Templeton, the blind stock car driver"? "He didn't give up". "Or how about Gill Saridin, the comatose diver"? "He didn't give up, either". "And don't forget about jewish basketball player Herbbie Coan".

"My God". Chris said. "You're right, Dr. Liquid". "We can't let a little pain stop us from saving the world".

"Hold on a second". Leon replied. "What are we saving the world from, anyway"? "I mean, has Dr. Birkin even done anything to threaten the world this time"?

Suddenly Leon started screaming, and grabbed his ass as he rolled around on the ground.

"You forgot about those, didn't you"? Liquid asked as he let go of the button. "Now get off your dead asses, go after Birkin, and kick his ass".

The radio went dead, and they slowly got to their feet.

Now that they looked around, they noticed that they were in a long underground cave that seemed to stretch on forever.

"God damn it". Leon grumbled as they started walking. "Why can't anything ever be right in front of us"?

Suddenly a stream of green slime dripped down from the cieling, making them stop in their tracks as it ate right through the stone ground.

"Well, that's not good". Chris said.

But then they looked up, and gasped as they saw where the acid had come from. That would be the twelve aliens that were now coming out of the walls.

"Run"! Leon screamed.

They started to run, but the creatures jumped down and grabbed them before they could.

"What are you fucktards doing in our cave"? One of them demanded.

"We were looking for Dr. Birkin". Chris quickly replied.

In response the creature punched him in the stomach.

"A likely story". It continued. "And how do you expect us to believe it, when thoes guys over there told us the same story".

They looked over toward the wall, and gasped as they saw a few dozen skeletons that had been folded in half.

"And now it's your turn". It continued. "Prepare to be ran through with my fricken tongue".

It was about to kill Leon, when a stalagmite fell from the cieling, and crushed it flat. This startled and confused the other creatures, giving Chris and Leon a few seconds to act.

So they did what any heros with balls of solid rock would do. They screamed like sissys and ran like hell.

The aliens gave chase, getting closer and closer to the piss pants duo, and it looked like all was lost, but then they dove through a door at the end of the passage.

It slammed shut behind them, leaving them in total darkness, but then the lights came on, revealing Dr. Birkin standing in front of them.

"Welcome, boys". He said. "I have been expecting you".


	20. The Final Battle

Chris and Leon quickly drew their weapons, and aimed at Birkin's head.

"I hope you expected an ass whoopin, too". Leon said. "Now surrender to us, or we will be forced to do something not kind".

"Wow, that was good". Chris said. "Did you reherse that"?

"A little".

In response to this, Birkin started laughing.

"And just what is so funny"? Chris asked.

"What I'm about to do you you guys". Birkin replied. "First I will take away your weapons".

Suddenly Birkin whipped off his lab coat, revealing that he was wearing a powered exoskeleton. Then he became a blur as he dashed forward, and spin kicked their weapons out of their hands.

"Holy crap". Leon said.

"Holy crap is right". Birkin replied. "And now I'm going to kick your asses".

He jumped up, and brought his fist down into Leon's face, sending him down. Then he kicked Chris in the nuts, and pushed him to the floor.

"Ha ha, you sissy bastards". Birkin said. "Did you losers think that you even stood a chance against the awesomeness that is Dr. Birkin"? "Well, you were WRONG"!

He grabbed Leon by the hair, and forced him to stand up. Then he kicked him in the nuts six times, and pushed him back down.

"You two buttfuckers have caused me more trouble then you're worth". Birkin continued. "I spent six months in jail because of your stupid asses". "Do you know what they do to people like me in prison"?

He pulled Chris to his feet. Then he gave him a titty twister, a pink belly, and a nose honk before kicking him in the nuts again.

"I lost everything because of you two". He continued as Chris fell back down. "But now I'm just gonna kill both of you myself, which seems to be working out even better then using an army of super robots".

He kicked both of them a few more times, and then walked over to the room's control panal.

"And now I'm gonna make sure that you both die". Birkin said as he pushed buttons. "Sure it will cost me one hell of a labratory, but sacrifices must be made".

Birkin hit one more button, and as alarm started going off.

"The self destruct system has been activated". The computer said. "Two minutes before all hell breaks loose".

Birkin then walked away from the panal, kicked Chris and Leon each one more time, and walked to the rear emergency exit.

"Well, boys". He said as he turned the knob. "It's been fun, but I gotta go".

He laughed as he opened the door, but the laughter stopped when he found himself looking down the barrel of Chris's mega gun..... in the hand of Liquid.

He then shot Birkin in the face, and walked into the labratory as his body collapsed. And after a few touches on the control panal, the self destruct alarm stopped.

"Dr. Liquid"? Chris asked. "What are you doing here"?

"Saving the world, dipshit". He replied. "I knew that you two morons would never be able to take down Birkin by yourselves, but you did make one hell of a diversion". "With all of his attention focused on you two, the cock clown forgot to lock the back door of his lab". "So all I had to do was sneak in, and wait".

"Amazing". Leon said as he and Chris got up.

"Yes, it was". "And for my trouble I get the death of my greatest rival, a fully functioning castle/labratory, and full usage of his pirated satilight tv system".

"Cool". Chris said. "So what do we get"? "New weapons"? "Special armor"?

Liquid thought for a second.

"Well". He said. "I don't have any weapons or armor.... but I do have some extra kung fu that you can have".

He then spun around, and kicked both of them in the face.

"Now get the fuck out of my lab"! Liquid yelled. "Night court starts in fifteen minutes"!

Chris and Leon stumbled out the door, and it slammed shut behind them.

"Well, what do we do now"? Chris asked.

"Whatever we want". Leon replied. "We just saved the world, man".

"You're right, we did". "Because nothing can stop us". "For we are.....

Hero music started playing, and they struck their best pose ever.

"The unstoppable team of Megaman Chris and Protoman Leon"! They shouted.

They then took off running into the distance, but didn't notice the hill. So they screamed as they rolled down the hill toward their small village home.


End file.
